Once More with Feeling
by journaliar
Summary: I miss everything about you." A sequel to First Time. SamxCarly, SamxOther CarlyxOther Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

A sequel to First Time-

* * *

Once More With Feeling

* * *

"…And Carly, you and Sam will be working together."

You lift your head from your desk slowly, peering up at Mr. Johansen and his ridiculous toupee at the front of the class in disbelief before glancing over your shoulder at Carly two rows to the left of you and she looks as uncomfortable as you feel.

"Mr. Johansen!" You practically scream, whipping around and hand shooting into the air with so much force that your desk rocks onto the front two legs. "Mr. Johansen!"

"Yes, Sam." Mr. Johansen answers a little taken aback by your enthusiasm. "What is it?"

"Uhm, I…is there anyone else that I can work with." you plead, throwing a glance at Carly. "Not that Carly isn't a kick ass partner, excuse my language, but I need a new partner…really bad."

Mr. Johansen gives you a curious look before shaking his head, "I'm sorry Sam. There's no partner switching. You work with who you work with." He answers finally and you slump back into your seat, heart thumping in your ears before you drop your head to the cool wood and let the resounding thunk your forehead makes, run through you.

* * *

"I'm so screwed." You sigh, looking up at the ceiling fan as it whirls endlessly before your best friend Warren Wagner steps in your line of sight, where your head hangs over the foot of his bed.

"Maybe it won't be so bad." He offers and you frown, scooting back on the bed so you're not looking up at his junk.

"Thanks for that crotch shot." you grunt and he laughs sitting down so his hip is right beside your head and leans back on his hands. "And it is going to be awful. Awful and weird and painful."

"Maybe…or maybe she's completely over you. You know she has that hot girlfriend now maybe she isn't pinning for a tomboy with a authority issues." Warren offers and yeah, you know all about Carly's hot girlfriend Ashley, you remember when it was the major gossip going around the school and how you stayed home for most of that week.

"You know, you're not helping." You mumble as Warren's big, warm hand comes down to stroke your hair.

"Sam, you and Carly were together two years ago. You guys were young." He says softly and you shake your head, turning onto your side and pressing your face against his thigh. He smells like a little too much cologne but you take a deep breath anyway.

"She was my one big mistake, ya know? I shouldn't have listened to my crazy mom." You sigh and Warren makes a sympathetic sound.

"I know but maybe its time you move on to someone else." He whispers and you laugh, almost hysterically. "What's so funny?" He asks with a laugh of his own.

"I'm not having sex with you , Dub-Dub." You chuckle and he laughs a little more.

"How do you know I even want to have sex with you, huh?" he questions and you roll away, sitting up to meet his grey eyes and taking in his low cut hair and strong jaw.

"Why else would you waste your time hanging out with me? You're hoping I'll give in and fall all over you just like the other girls at school." you offer and Warren just smiles, reaching out to tug on a curl of your hair.

"I hang out with you because you aren't like the other girls at school. That's why I like you." He offers genuinely and you grin at him, one eyebrow lifting.

"Thanks but I'm still not doing you." You affirm, brushing a hand over his head before standing. "And beside I need your help. What can I do about this Carly situation. I figure my options are either transfer to another school or fake my own death and…" Warren cuts off your train of thought as you sit down at his oak desk across the room.

"Or you can just suck it up and do the project. It's a few weeks of work and then you can be done." Warren offers and you glance at him quickly.

"I'm scared. She use to be my best friend and now we can't even look at each other." You whisper and you can feel Warren staring at you.

"You loved her." He says simply and you smile a little and rub your eyes.

"Yeah, I did. She was my first everything." You admit even though Warren's heard this all before. "Ya know what, Handsome?" You say around a deep breath, standing and walking over to stand between Warren's legs, touching his pointed ears. "I might just have some sex with you one day after all."

* * *

"Hey."

You immediately recognize the low, husky sound of Carly's voice and you pull your head out of your locker to look at the other girl and man, she's beautiful.

"Oh hey." You exhale nervously and its been two years since you broke her heart, since you told her that you couldn't be with her even though you were so in love with her that you still look at her and get that fluttering feeling in your stomach.

"I, uh, just wanted to see when would be a good time for you to work on our project." She says and you know she's nervous, can hear it in her voice, can feel your own nerves making you sort of nauseous.

"Well, I have to work Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday nights but any other time is fine." You offer and Carly smiles a little bit and your heart jumps into your throat.

"How about tonight then? At my house at, like, 5pm."

"Okay, that's fine. I know the place." You whisper and Carly nods, licking her perfect lips and you look down at your feet because the way she makes you feel reminds you of things you try not to think about.

"Hey, there you are." You look back up and there's hot Ashley with her super blonde hair and perfect make up and you tug self consciously at the band tee shirt Warren gave you. "I've been looking all over for you."

"I just needed to talk to Sam for a second. We're working on a science project together." Carly smiles warmly and you have the fleeting memory of when Carly use to look at you like that.

Ashley smiles at you, white and blinding and perfect and when she says 'Hi' you say 'Hey' instead of 'I want to rip your face off.' and your kinda proud of your self restraint.

"So, I guess I'll see you tonight? Right?" You breathe, looking back at Carly and she nods once.

"Yeah."

You give her a smile as you pick your backpack from by your feet and sling it over your shoulder and try to breathe as you brush by them. You only get eight steps before you have to turn around and just look at her because for a long time you haven't. When you glance over your shoulder she's looking back too.

* * *

You stand outside of the Shay's apartment so long that you're 5 minutes late even though you arrived 7minutes early and if you were anywhere else it would be considered loitering but you can't quite bring yourself to knock. Not yet.

It's strange that this place has some of your best memories and yet you haven't stepped foot inside of it in two years and the only reason your standing here, staring at familiar bronze numbers is because Mr. Johansen has had it out for you ever since you put a whoopee cushion on his chair.

"Sam?" Spencer's voice startles you and he looks just as surprised as you are and he's looks exactly the same as he did the last time you saw him.

"'Sup Spence?" You greet with a grin and before you say anything else he's pulling you into a hug that you sort of collapse in for a moment.

"What're you doing here? I haven't seen you in forever." Spencer laughs pulling back and holding you by the shoulders to look you over. "You look good kiddo. How've you been."

"I've been pretty good," You lie with a smile. "You're looking pretty good yourself hot stuff. I'm lovin' the hair." You say and he brushes his bangs over his forehead bashfully.

"Thank you, I've been styling it with bacon fat and I find it gives it a quite luxurious sheen." He says shaking his hair and you grin because you missed this guy. You never had a big brother and you always kinda considered Spencer in that light and you've just missed him.

"So what're you doing here? You haven't been around much since you and Carly broke up."

Broke up, man you hate those words but you try not to frown and lift a shoulder carelessly.

"Carly and I are working on a science project together." And Spencer nods as he moves to unlock the door, swinging it open wide enough for you to walk in after him and it takes a deep breath and a lot of courage to follow him over the threshold.

"Carly! Sam's here!" Spencer screams as you glance around the apartment and you don't know why you expected to look different because it doesn't. It still cluttered and strange and warm and amazing. You look up as Carly comes down the stairs and its so familiar watching her bound down the stairs like this but she's not happy and excited to see you like she use to be. Instead she seems nervous and edgy but she's smiling and so you smile back and swallow your own awkwardness.

"I'm gonna fix you guys a snack." Spencer yells from the kitchen. "You still like food, right Sam?"

"Of course." You laugh but your not looking at Spencer, your looking at Carly.

"I knew it." Spencer laughs and Carly throws him an amused glance. "Still the same ol' Sam."

"Hey." You smile as she nears you, gripping the shoulder strap of your backpack tighter, hanging on for dear life.

"Hi." She greets coming to stop in front of you and you swallow hard, try to think of something, anything else to say to fill the silence because otherwise you guys are just staring at one another.

"Hey." You breathe again and immediately want to throw yourself off of a building but Carly just tilts her head and smiles wider.

"Let's get to work." Carly suggests, gesturing at the books stacked on the coffee table vaguely. "Is here alright?"

"Yeah," You nod quickly, dropping your backpack. "Yeah." Because you couldn't handle being anywhere else.

You two work for nearly three hours, three hours of hell because Carly sits on the couch beside you for every single minute and she smells good and looks even better and you don't want to seem like a freak but you can't really help but look at her, stealing glances at the other girl out of the corner of your eye. She's all beautiful and stuff and yeah, this is hell but you don't think you'd want to be anywhere else.

"I should probably go." You croak when even reading becomes a hassle since the words don't look half as good as Carly. "It's getting late."

"Oh okay." she answers and you know you're confusing what sounds like regret with something else, you have to be.

You stuff your things back into your bag, standing and heading towards the door and you feel her behind you, can feel her eyes boring into you even in the short steps it takes to reach the exit.

"So I guess we should probably get together a couple of more times this week." You say opening the door and turning to face Carly. "Ya know, to finish the project on time."

"Yeah It'll probably take a few days to build a photon cannon." Carly says softly, shoving her hands into her pockets and your eyes dart down to the fly of her pants before flying somewhere else, anywhere else. "Tomorrow?"

You clear your throat and shake your head. "I have to work tomorrow night."

"Yeah, I forgot." Carly murmurs with that embarrassed shrug that you remember and man, you remember everything. "Where do you work?"

"At Luigi's. It's an Italian restaurant my friend Warren's parents own. Best spaghetti in town" You murmur and she smiles again.

"Well how about the day after tomorrow?" You offer and she nods, dark eyes focused intently on your face and you look away because you'd rather not have eye contact.

"I'll see you later then, I guess."

"Yeah, bye Carly."

* * *

"You're staring."

And its hard to stare inconspicuously with annoying people saying things and blowing straw wrappers at you.

"No I'm not. I'm just…looking off into space." You defend lamely, your eyes locked on to Carly six tables away with her ridiculously pretty girlfriend and a bunch of people you don't even know.

"Yeah, Carly Shay's space." Warren quips, shooting another straw wrapper at you that hits you in the cheek.

"I hate you." You bite out, finally looking away and at Warren where he sits across from you at the lunch table.

"No you don't. If anything you're secretly in love with me because of my boyish good looks and considerable charm." Warren says around a bite of what's supposed to pass for chicken and you frown watching his unchewed food roll around his mouth.

"Yeah that's it." You say sarcastically, taking a bite of your own chicken and wincing. Yeah, its gross but its food so you swallow it and take another bite.

"So I take it that the study date went well since you've spent half of lunch staring all moony at Carly." Warren asks and you kick him under the table. Hard.

"Shut up. And it wasn't a date, we worked on our project." You say, eyes darting over to Carly threw the throng of people again before looking away nervously and taking a drink of your orange juice.

"You? Worked on something school related?" Warren asks in disbelief and when you try to kick him again, he dodges it. "You must really love her then."

"I don't love…her. That much. Anymore…" You trail off digging your spork into your Styrofoam tray. "Oh shut up, Dub-dub." You finally say and he just laughs easily.

"Hey your not the only one with unrequited love. There's this girl in my English class, legs for days I tell ya…" You listen to Warren talk about some girl absently, not even fighting the way your eyes turn to find Carly again because after not being able to look at her, talk to her, be near her for two years, working together on this project is giving you Carly Shay overload.

This time when you look over at her table she's already watching at you, dark eyes curious. Your stomach does a perfect somersault when your eyes meet hers but you don't look away, especially because she's smiling just a little at you and you grin back.

* * *

"So that guy your always with? The baseball player?" Carly starts softly, semi hidden behind the half erected photon cannon your building for science, and you look up from the schematics you've spent the last hour being confused by and at her. "Is he like your boyfriend?"

You want to laugh, can feel it gathering in her chest, because she loves Warren but not like that and because its Carly asking you like she cares and that cannot be right.

"No, Warren is just my bud." You say easily and she nods, standing from her position crouched down by the base of the canon before coming and dropping down beside you on the couch, a full cushion away.

"It's so weird. It's been a long time since we talked." She mutters and your suddenly, automatically extremely nervous and you reach up to touch your hair absently.

"We talked on Monday." You laugh tightly and Carly rolls her eyes and says "Sam" in exasperation like she use to and you just breathe through the memory.

"Yeah but I mean, talked." She reiterates and you nod, trying not to crumple the schematics in your hand. "Like, how's everything?"

"My uncle Saul is in jail for animal theft." You offer and Carly smiles at you with just her eyes before fading away. "I finally passed Algebra 2, so there's that. Uhm, nothing really."

"Well, how's your mom?"

You flinch so hard that you're sure Carly notices but if so she doesn't say anything, just looks at you from so far away. "I don't really talk to my mom anymore. I moved out last year. I told her I was leaving and she didn't really try to stop me. Got my own place, I mean its kind of a dump but its mine and a car and stuff." You admit nervously and Carly's eyes widen, her hand moving to the cushion separating you two like she might touch you but she doesn't.

"Oh ." Carly exhales and you give her a lazy shrug and reach up to touch your hair again, this time Carly's eyes follow your hand and you stop self consciously.

"What, do I have something on my face? Barbeque sauce?" You question wiping at your mouth and Carly laughs, full and round. "What?"

"No, you just never use to do that." She smiles softly. " That nervous hair touch thing."

"New habit I guess." You whisper looking down at your shoes and fighting to not reach up and touch your hair again. "So what about you?"

"Not a whole lot. Spencer was engaged to a girl, Kathy, for like a week but then she told him she wanted 10 kids and he had to break it off. But besides that, everything's pretty much the same, actually. " Carly shrugs and you nod.

"Yeah, well, except for your girlfriend." You immediately want to punch yourself in the face as soon as the words are out but Carly just shrugs.

"Except for Ashley, yeah."

You want to ask more questions about her girlfriend but you don't because her girlfriend is probably not just pretty but funny and awesome and volunteers at homeless shelters and you'd rather not hear about all of her amazing qualities.

"So, photon cannons, huh? Hard work." You say trying to ease the tension.

"Yeah definitely." Carly exclaims like she grateful that you did.

"I know right? I can hardly read this schematics. It's like their in Japanese or…"

"Sam?" Carly cuts you off mid sentence but you don't really mind that much. "I was thinking that maybe we can hang out sometime. Ya know, when we're not building photon cannons?" She asks softly and everything inside of you tightens but you nod. Of course you nod, you'd actually use words too if you could draw in a breath.

"Yeah. Sure." You manage and Carly smiles brightly.

"Cool."

* * *

"Hey, where were you last night?" Warren asks as you rush into the back room of the Italian restaurant, tying your black apron around your waist and praying that your white button down shirt isn't stained with spaghetti sauce again. "I called you at your apartment and you didn't answer." Warren continues having pity on you and moving forward to tie the black tie hanging around your neck.

"I was out…" You mumble fumbling with the strings of your apron behind your back and Warren gives you a suspicious look.

"Out doing what?" He questions, "Sam, you know if you get in trouble again they'll send you to that delinquent school behind the elementary."

"I wasn't doing anything." you laugh, chocking a little when he pulls your knotted tie too tight. "I went to the movies to see Attack of the Raisins."

"You went to see that without me?" He questions as you step back and he leans against the small card table in the room designated for employees with a TV in the corner and a small refrigerator. "Who'd you go with? That boy, Doug Toader, with the huge crush on you?"

"Ew, no! Doug Toader is a nub of the highest caliber." You cry, using the rubber band on your wrist to pull back your hair. "I went with Carly."

"Carly Shay?!" Warren cries and you wince a little at his words, you know what he's thinking. Probably the same thing that your thinking. What the hell are you doing hanging out with Carly Shay when you have so much history and feelings for her, when you can't really be just friends with her because you care way too much, when Carly has a steady girlfriend.

But you can't help yourself and its eerily similar to your addiction to ham and just like you know too much ham is bad for your heart you know Carly is too. But last night when you spent an hour and a half not really watching the movie and trying not to hog the arm rest and absolutely aware of Carly beside you, was one of the best nights you can remember.

Carly wants to hang out with you more so of course your gonna hang out with her.

"What?!" You bark back and Warren gives you an entirely disapproving look. "She wanted to hang out with me. What am I supposed to do? Say no?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Sam." Warren sighs, running a hand over his strong jaw and you know that gesture. It always leads to something you don't like. "She has a girlfriend."

"Dub-dub, I'm not trying to be her girlfriend. I just want to be friends again." You sigh and its sort of a half truth because while you miss a lot about Carly, friendship is one of the things you miss most. "There's nothing wrong with platonic, friendly hanging out."

"That's what they all say when they're really trying to win back their girlfriend that they never got over." He says crossing his arms over his broad chest and you step close to him.

"You and I can just hang out." You offer and he rolls his eyes.

"No, that's not true, because I'm actually trying to get into your pants." He shoots back and you laugh. "Constantly."

"Why're you acting like this? You jealous?" You question with a grin, poking him in his stupid, well defined chest and he sticks his tongue out at you like a little kid, rubbing at the spot you just proded.

"Maybe." He sighs around a smile and you shake your head.

"Why're you calling me anyway? I thought you had a date with that blonde whose body I believe you said was slammin?" You question and Warren shrugs, pushing away from the table and slinging his arms around your shoulders like your in the 5th grade and slow dancing.

"Unfortunately her Splashface profile was grossly falsified and she was not the slamming hottie her pictures suggested." he sighs forlornly. "She had a mustache."

You laugh at that and he laughs too, pressing his lips into your hair. "I told you about meeting girls on the web."

"Yeah. Yeah." He sighs before leaning back to look at you, your eyes run over his handsome face quickly. "Sam?"

"Yeah, Dub-dub?" You answer sweetly and he smiles back.

"Be careful okay? I know you care about Carly a lot but I don't want you to get hurt. Okay?" He says honestly and you nod, reaching up to curl your hands around his elbows.

"Okay."

"Alright, now lets go. You're late and my Dad is going to kill you."

* * *

Freddie is helping you and Carly with your photon cannon even though first you'd asked for Spencer's help because you two figured with his sculpting history it would benefit but in a series of events that really shouldn't have surprised them, Spencer caused three inexplicable fires which forced them to recruit Freddie in all of his nerdy glory.

Freddie is helping you and Carly with your photon cannon which means that Freddie is buried under parts with Spencer, who has been only allowed to hand Freddie tools, while you and Carly sit on the couch watching Seattle Beat.

You're so engrossed in Yellow Day performing that you hardly even notice when Carly's socked foot hits yours, you just move your foot over a little and continue to be in complete awe of the lead singer but then she does it again and once more and by that time your focused has entirely shifted to the way her cotton clad foot is brushing over your ankle, just above your own green ankle socks.

What the hell.

You glance at her from the corner of your eye and she's gives you a quick look before turning back to the television and your heart does a slow crawl up your throat.

"I need another copy of the schematics. This ones all…scorched." Freddie calls and you glance over your shoulder to see Spencer's embarrassed look. "Do you guys have another?"

"Upstairs in my desk." Carly throws over her shoulder without looking and she's hooking her foot around yours and it's too much.

"I'll get them." You blurt without thinking, nearly stumbling over Carly's foot before darting around the couch to the stairs and God you need the space.

You're up the stairs and pushing open the door to Carly's room before you even realize it because in the three weeks that you've been working on this project you've become comfortable again being at the Shay's.

Her room looks exactly the same, all soft lavenders and coo patterns, and you walk around her bed without really looking at it. The desk is dark oak wood and you stop in front of it, Carly didn't say exactly where in her desk so after glancing over the top you yank open the top drawer revealing stationary and pens and other school supplies but no schematics.

You brush your hair out of your face absently before shoving the drawer shut and yanking open the next one. You pull out a math book and then your suddenly staring down at your own handwriting.

You know what it is, the soft yellow envelop and words neater than anything you've ever written, and you know the pale pink envelope under it too.

You pick them up with shaking hands, the envelopes stiff with the cardboard cards still inside of them. They're friendship anniversary cards. Cards that took you hours to pick out, to sign, to find the courage to slip through the vents of Carly's locker. Two for the two anniversaries after you told her you didn't want her, that you couldn't want her, when really you didn't want anything else.

Inside the drawer something else catches your eye and then your fingers are pulling out the silver, cold bracelet you'd given her on her birthday. Just as clean and shiny as the day you gave it to her. You wrap it around your fingers, remember that day when you gave it to her and the smile she gave you. How you told her that you loved her so easily because it was so true. Because it is true.

You wonder why she kept them.

Suddenly footsteps are coming closer and you drop the envelopes and the bracelet back in the drawer, covering it with the math book but Carly is already walking into her bedroom before you slam the drawer shut, catching your finger and swearing like your P.E. teacher when he forgets to take his medication.

"I didn't find the schematics." You hiss around your index finger but you can tell that Carly knows what you were looking at because she's wrapping her arms around herself and she looks nervous, worried, embarrassed.

"Sam." She whispers and you cut her off.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't snooping or anything. I was just looking for the…" You trail off weakly, pushing to your feet slowly and she looks down at the carpet between you two for a minute.

"I know." She whispers nodding and you like the way she tucks her hair behind her ears, you're not sure why.

"I'm sorry."

"Why did you give me the cards, Sam?" She questions and it catches you off guard, your sure the impression of a fish you do gives it away too.

"I-You-I mean, it's our friendship anniversary." You say as if it should explain everything but it only makes it worse. "I cared. I still cared. I just wanted you to know that." You flex your throbbing hand nervously.

Carly nods again, tilting her head to look at you and you recognize that look. It means, she's looking at you, reading something you probably don't want her too.

"Why'd you keep them? And that stupid bracelet?" You croak and she laughs a little bit despite nothing really being all that funny.

"It's not stupid. Don't say that." She swallows. "You gave me that when you told me you loved me the first time. Why wouldn't I keep it? And I kept the cards because even though we weren't hanging out or talking or even making eye contact , I dunno, I guess I thought it meant you were thinking about me." She shrugs with a sad smile and it makes your stomach lurch.

"I did think about you . I do think about you." You admit probably too readily because she blinks at you in surprise.

"I've missed you. I've missed my best friend." Carly admits in return like she's calling your confession.

"I miss everything about you." You blurt but before she can say anything the downstairs smoke alarm screams to life and you cover your ears quickly with the palms of your hands while Carly does the same.

You both rush downstairs just in time to hear Spencer yell, coughing from the smoke, "I didn't touch anything! It just happened!"


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Carly jokes about it now, jokes about the time when you didn't have each other, which is weird because inappropriate joking is totally your thing and it's a little confusing when Carly does it.

Because you do it to hide your nerves and to mask how uncomfortable you are and you wonder if Carly does it for the same reason? If she does it to cover her anxiety around you but that doesn't make sense because Carly's usually cool as a cucumber and when she does feel awkward or uncomfortable it usually manifests itself in poorly worded blurted comments.

Maybe she's just trying to be funny, you think.

"Is Cuddlefish still your favorite band?" Carly asks around the licorice hanging from her mouth and you don't remember what started this impromptu game of 'Remember Everything You Can About Me' instead of working on the photon cannon and honestly its making you uneasy and self-conscious and your like two seconds away from making a tasteless joke but you hold back because dirty jokes would mean sort of breaking the atmosphere around you and Carly where your sprawled about on the bean bag chairs in what use to be the iCarly studio, chewing on licorice rope and staring at each other, and you're not willing to do that just to make yourself feel better because honestly, save for the continuous flutter in your stomach that is giving you medical worry, you're feeling pretty good.

"Yeah, they just get more awesome with time." You say dreamily before breathing through your licorice like a straw, giving Carly a quick glance beside you. "Is your favorite food still Enchiladas?"

You see her smile, eyes closing for a second and you wonder if she's thinking about that time you got that really good Mexican food from that place, Bob Katz Authentic Mexican Cuisine. You remember sitting across from her in the tacky green vinyl booth and how she took off her shoes and stretched her long legs over yours.

"Do you remember that time we went to that place, Bob Katz?" She asks with a giggle, opening her eyes and looking at you and you chew on your licorice while simultaneously sucking a breath through it and nod.

"Best enchiladas in Seattle."

"What's your favorite food?" She asks and the laughter in her voice settles warm in the base of your chest.

"The edible kind." You grin, tilting your head to look at her and she rolls her eyes while you finish your licorice rope.

"Should've known." She sighs and you look longingly at the remainder of her licorice rope and you're envy is split between aching to have more licorice to eat and being the licorice she's eating.

"Yeah, well, I'm a pretty simple lady." You shrug flipping onto your stomach with a grunt and turning your head to watch Carly's throat work while she swallows another bite of candy.

"That's true." She says casually now blowing through the short remainder of her licorice and it makes a strange whistling sound. "Like, you haven't really changed all that much. You're body's different…" She mutters like she temporarily lost the connection between brain and mouth and you frown at her with a smile.

"Hey, you been checkin' me out Shay?" You question playfully, careful to keep it light and you don't expect an answer but she gives you a look and you have to swallow quickly so you don't choke to death on your own saliva. That would be an embarrassing way to go.

"But what I really meant is that even though our friendship was, uhm, on hiatus" You watch her talk, the way she's careful about what she says and you want to laugh at her wording. She says 'hiatus' like guys could've come back at any time and picked up where you left off. You wish. "You still laugh the same and make the same inappropriate comments and you still love food. You're still just Sam. My Sam."

She's gazing at you now, with her insanely beautiful eyes that are less like the lucky penny you keep in your locker and more like chocolate when it melts between your fingers. "I'm sorry."

You don't mean to apologize but it pours out of your mouth before you can stop it and you are sorry. For everything. For breaking her heart and making her cry and being weak and scared and desperate for someone's approval who you didn't need.

"Sorry? For what?" She laughs curiously and you've always kinda loved the way Carly's dark eyebrows dip and gather and curve with her expressions and right now they're making a funny shape over her eyes with her confusion.

"For everything."

You see the recognition flare in her dark eyes and you lick your lips and wait.

"I know you are." She whispers, "and I forgave you a long time ago."

Then its like something you hadn't even known you were carrying, breaks apart and disintegrates and makes it easier to breathe.

"Because, I didn't…" You trail off sharply, blatant honest truth balancing on the tip of your tongue and you're not one to, ya know, tell the truth or express an emotion other than hunger but with Carly its different. You need it to be different with her. "Because I didn't stop, like, caring about you or anything like that."

"I know." Carly says quickly, her words overlapping the end of yours. "I know."

You're gonna say something else, feel it like an approaching avalanche but the elevator is dinging with arrival of someone and you lift your head and look over your shoulder to see Ashley walk in and that's your cue to exit stage right.

Not that you have anything against Carly's girlfriend except for the fact that you hate her guts, which are probably shiny and perfect.

"Hey." Carly sounds honestly surprised to see her and her eyes dart over to you repeatedly like she's afraid you might do or say something and you reason it's a legitimate fear.

"Hey, baby." You close your eyes when Carly sits up and her girlfriend kneels down on the bean bag and you hear them kiss. When you open your eyes Carly is looking at you, you look away. "what're you guys up to?"

You push yourself up quickly without actually looking like your making a hasty exit, "We were just working on our project."

Ashley picks up the licorice rope wrapper by Carly as she settles into the bean bag with her girlfriend before glancing back at the unfinished photon cannon an its pieces on the raised stage behind her.

"Yeah?" She laughs good naturedly so you smile back so you don't seem like a jerk.

"We just got side tracked." Carly interjects and you nod in quickly.

"Okay, so I'm gonna leave you two love birds alone and get outta here." You say gesturing towards the door.

"No," Carly says a little too loud and you jump. " I mean, stay and hang out with us. Maybe we can actually get some work done on the photon cannon" She offers hopefully and your tempted but you look at her girl friend and swallow.

"Naw, I gotta go meet Warren anyway. He gets all whiny when I cancel on him." You shrug, "So…"

"Is Warren your boyfriend?" Ashley wonders innocently curious so you hold your tongue and laugh but before you can answer Carly speaks.

"No. No, he's not. Right?" She words are clipped and fervent and that's strange.

"No, he's just a friend." You confirm, "But I'm gonna get outta your hair."

Ashley says "Bye." and you say it back through clenched teeth.

"I'll call you." Carly says softly like she's apologizing and you shrug.

"Whatever."

* * *

"So what's going on with you and Carly?"

It's the middle of the night and you really should be sleeping because you're working a full shift at the restaurant after school tomorrow but Warren seems hell bent on not letting you get any rest. His huge frame is like a furnace but instead of moving away, you move closer, hoping that you're half as comforting as he is because he only does this, drive all the way to your apartment and climb into your bed in the middle of the night, when his parents are fighting.

He's terrified that his parents might get a divorce. You know there are worst things than having two loving parents separate amicably.

"Nothing. We're just friends." You sigh tiredly, dragging your pillow over your head. "And why're you talking? Shut up and go to sleep."

He laughs even though your fairly serious, "Just friends, huh? Okay."

You jerk the pillow off of your head and twist to look at him in the dark. "What the heck is that supposed to mean."

"It means, young grasshopper, that I know you and you like her." He says like he knows everything and you roll your eyes though he can't see you. "You like her and she likes you and you guys spend most of lunch gazing at one another from across the cafeteria and honestly it's a little nauseating. I don't need that when I'm trying to enjoy the tuna salad surprise."

"Shut up, Dub-dub. And so what if I do like her? She has a girlfriend." You exhale, rubbing your eyes tiredly and half heartedly trying to push his huge frame off of the bed. You've always hated Warren's need to bring up things you don't like to think about.

"Exactly, so what? She has a hot ass girlfriend but she's always looking at you." He grunts throwing his heavy legs over yours before yanking your blue blanket over both of your heads.

"Yeah?" You breathe and you can't help to think that it would be too much for Carly to actually still care about you when she has the perfect girlfriend, a girlfriend that probably won't break her heart.

"Oh yeah." Warren whispers, running his fingers through your hair, twirling a curl around his fingertip and you've always wondered why people find the need to play with your hair but you don't mind when its his fingers. "She's not looking at me which is surprising because I'm a handsome guy."

"Your narcissism is not attractive." You sigh in the smothering warmth under the blanket.

"That's not what the ladies say." He mumbles and you pinch his side. "Ouch."

"That's what you get." You mutter with a sigh.

"You like her don't you?" He asks softly while he drapes his arm over yours, effectively draping himself all over you and you close your eyes under his warm weight.

"I've always liked her." You admit and Warren laughs into your hair.

"You like her more than me?" He questions and now you laugh and shake your head.

"Not more just different."

He makes an understanding sound in his throat. "So you want to get her naked and…" He trails off and you grin so hard your face hurts.

"And I want to just pinch your cheeks." You say reaching up blindly and pinching his cheek. "So your parents are fighting?"

"Yeah, I can't sleep with my dad yelling like that." He admits honestly and you hum understandingly, your fingers going from pinching his cheeks to rubbing his stubble jaw lovingly.

"You're parents are just going through a rough time. I'm sure they'll figure everything out." You say hopefully and Warren nods .

"I hope so."

* * *

"Remember when we were 10 and you tried to convince everyone that you had chicken pox so you wouldn't have to go to school?" Carly questions softly and you nod with a laugh, swinging your putter around like a weapon while you watch Carly take a careful swing at her purple golf ball and send it disappearing inside of the windmill with the creepy clown face.

"Yeah, that plan was full proof." You grin at her and your face feels weird, numb and on fire, in the cold air. King Putts is full of people screaming and laughing but the sounds barely register as more than white noise because you're here with Carly who keeps smiling at you and who's nose is bright pink from the cold.

"Until you used a green permanent marker to draw on the pox." She chuckles and you lick your cold, chapped lips and smile at the sound. "You looked like a car sick leopard."

"I'm glad that's such a fond memory for you." You grumble, dropping your red ball onto the plastic green turf and knocking the ball into the windmill with a wild swing. You do a short victory dance that makes Carly beam at you and you'd do that stupid dance till the end of time if it meant she'd always look at you like that.

"It is." She admits easily while you guys navigate your way to the back of the hole where your balls have come out, dancing around the edge of the hole. "But I have a lot of good memories of you. With you."

Her voice drops low and sincere and you suppress the flutter of something deep in your chest by twirling your putter.

And you know its one of those comments that you should leave alone because you can practically see the hook and line but she's been doing it so often lately and you just can't help yourself while you watch her tap her ball easily into the hole, her dark hair hiding her face while she putts before straightening and tucking her hair behind her ears.

You breathe and say "Like what." so soft that she shouldn't be able to hear you over the cold gusting wind and the joyful voices surrounding you two but of course her dark eyes dart to yours quicker than you can draw in another breath.

She smiles a little and you wonder if its because you took her bait. "Like the time you bet Freddie that you could drink an entire gallon of milk and not throw up and you totally did it. She offers and you smile proudly because that was one of your most awesome moments. "And hanging out with you on Saturday mornings."

"Those are good ones." You declare going to putt your ball into the hole and you hit it too hard and it chips out.

"Hit it softer." Carly suggests watching you line up shot number two.

"That's what she said." You laugh because c'mon, she put it right there and your feeling uncomfortable but she laughs a little bit too.

"When you kissed me that first time. In the girls bathroom." She utters just as you knock the ball in the hole and you blink at her stupidly. "That's another fond memory." And she says like she's unsure of what your reaction will be and heck, you're unsure of what your reaction is.

"Yeah, that's a good one." You croak, kneeling to pluck your ball from the hole and then you two are moving towards the next hole.

"I'm sorry." Carly whispers dropping her ball on the zigzagged course and you shrug.

"For what?" you question watching her hit the ball with little success. "I'm glad that its that kind of memory that's burned into your brain and not the time I flooded your apartment." You joke and she looks at you with sparkling eyes.

"Really?" She questions and you swallow nervously and nod.

"Yeah, I mean, we've been through a lot." you're careful of your wording and Carly smiles at you and you'd rather just watch her do that than putt.

"You tell me one." Carly suggests with a tilt of her head and you raise your eyebrows. " Tell me something you remember about us."

"I remember that time you got locked in Mrs. Briggs' apartment with Freddie and the time you drank so much Peppy Cola that you thought you were having a stroke." You laugh dropping your ball and taking a careless swing that sends your ball bouncing past Carly's.

"I remember the first time you kissed me." You murmur and Carly steps closer slowly like she can't hear you but your words sound loud and resounding as they escape from that dark, locked up place behind your heart so you're sure she hears you and this is dangerous territory, you know it, but that doesn't stop you. It never has.

"I remember your hair was wet and your lips were soft and you smelled like that pomegranate scrub you use to use. I remember being so scared but it was you and I've never been scared of you." You say, memories swirling to the surface and you stop talking abruptly because Carly is watching you unblinkingly, her breath coming faster than before.

"What else?" She asks lowly and when you lick your lips her eye track the movement.

"I dunno. I remember everything. Elephants and I have that in common." You admit quietly as a icy gust of wind catches your ear and makes it throb.

"Well if you have to have something in common with an elephant, you'd probably want it to be that." Carly mutters and when she's standing this close you can see her breath condense a little in the cold air.

You think about kissing her, not for the first time and definitely not the last time but it hits you hard and you imagine that her lips would be cool and soft tonight and you have to clear your throat and look up at the sky and take a breath while you try to decipher shooting stars from satellites.

The wind kicks up and your hair whips around your face and you feel the piece of hair get stuck to your lip but before you can even reach up Carly's hand is there, fingers frozen and unsteady, pulling the strand free and touching your lips and God.

Alarms are going off in your head and your mind is screaming that she's close, for gods sake just take a step back but you can't, you can't pull away from her. Not ever again.

"You have a hair…" Carly trails off as if she need to explain touching you, as if you mind and you swallow a little and smile a nervous smile.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." she whispers taking a step back and you breathe in the space she leaves. "Now, c'mon. Lets finish this game and leave, its freezing tonight."

And just like that its over and your following her dumbly.

* * *

"Hey."

You push open Carly's bedroom door tentatively, crushing the blue sweater that she left in your beat up old jeep, in your hands.

"Hey." She greets, smiling at your reflection as you come up behind her in the mirror and she looks amazing in a red dress that you've never seen her wear before. "Thanks for dropping off my sweater."

"No problem." You manage to say, leaning against the door frame and tossing the sweater on her bed, you hover near the entrance because you still have issues actually being inside of Carly's room.

"What's the big occasion?" You wonder idly, staring at the pale, soft skin of her shoulders and legs before looking back at her reflection in the mirror and you blush a little when you notice her watching you check her out.

"It's, uh, its my one year anniversary." She says like she really doesn't want to tell you and you sort of wish she didn't.

"Oh yeah?" You breathe out tightly, shoving your hands in your pockets. "Congratulations."

"Yeah, thanks." Carly answers without smiling and you wonder why she called you and asked you to bring over her sweater when it obviously could've waited. Is she trying to make you jealous and uncomfortable because its working.

"Where are you guys going?" You ask as if you even care while you watch her put on mascara but friends care about this sort of thing so you ask. "Somewhere fancy?"

"I dunno. It's a surprise." She shrugs, closing the tube and setting it aside before turning around with a crooked smile. "How do I look?"

It's a loaded question, you know it is, but you don't avoid it because she looks beautiful and she deserves to know it. "You clean up real nice." You grin and she grins back.

"Thank you."

"Anytime." you nod, "So are you excited?" You question crossing your arms and leaning against the door jam and Carly shrugs turning around and leaning against her bureau, mimicking your position.

"Yeah, of course." She smiles sweetly and your eyes settle on the curve of her lips thoughtlessly.

"One year is a long time." you say, scuffing your sneaker on the carpet. "I haven't even had my car that long."

"Nine years is a long time too." She says softy and you nod, a smile stretching your face.

"I've known you longer than I've known anyone else." You sigh and Carly beams at you from across the room. It's the honest to god truth.

"You know me better than anyone else." She acknowledges and something like pride swells up inside of you.

"Not better than your girlfriend." You suggests and Carly rolls her eyes a little bit at that, moving to her bed and dropping down in her fancy dress.

"Sam, no one knows me like you do." She whispers looking up at you and you try not to blush at the way that she's watching you, her hair soft on her white shoulders and your jealous that her stupid perfect girlfriend gets to spend the night looking at her like this.

"You really do look amazing." You whisper, taking a step further into the room, then another before sitting on the bed beside Carly who smells soft and flowery and amazing.

"Thanks." Carly whispers, glancing at you quickly.

"So are you wearing the sweater tonight? Is that why you needed me to bring it over?" You question dumbly, pulling the soft garment into your lap. She left it in the car and when you got in the car the next morning the interior smelled like her.

"Yeah, I was thinking about it." She shrugs watching you finger the plastic buttons before setting it back on the bed.

"Well, I'm gonna make myself scarce then." You sigh because you really don't want to be here when Ashley comes to pick up Carly, your stomach wont be able to handle it. "Have fun tonight. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Sam, I-" Carly stops abruptly, her hand reaching out to touch yours on the blanket, her slim fingers curling around your wrist and you stare down at your point of contact while your heart pumps a little harder behind your ribs.

"What?"

"I lied. I'm probably not going to wear the sweater. It doesn't match my dress." She blurts in that way that she does and you blink at her absolutely confused.

"It's no big deal, Carls." You soothe gently. "I was already on this side of town so.."

"No, you don't get it." She cuts you off abruptly and it wouldn't be the first time you were completely lost around Carly Shay. "I called you over here because I just…I just wanted to see you, tonight."

You laugh a little as your stomach flutters and its mostly to hide your nerves because Carly is sliding her open palm against yours on the bed, all deliberate and careful and its suddenly hard to breathe.

"Oh." You exhale and she shrugs guiltily.

"Yeah." She mutters and you look at her easily, curling your hand around hers.

"Ya know, its alright that you used your wily ways to get me over here because you seeing me means I get to see you." You whispers and she laughs softly, tugging your entwined hands into her lap. "So its basically a win win situation."

"Win win situations are awesome." Carly says softly and you nod, gazing at the soft line of her neck.

"That they are my friend." You agree quietly because Carly is staring at you now with dark, intense eyes and you stare back.

"Your eyes are like a mood ring." She whispers, the corner of her mouth lifting in a smile and you remember the first time she said those words to you, pinned under all 98lbs of her on her bed two years ago.

"Your eyes are like the bottom of a Hershey's Kiss." You smile and when she leans in and presses her forehead to yours, you don't pull away and really, pulling away is the last thing on your list of things to do. The first being breathe, which your having problems with.

You keep your eyes open and watch Carly squeeze hers shut, licking her lips like she's gathering courage and you think "She' going to kiss me" right before she does.

You're heart slams to a screeching stop.

Her lips are a little sticky from her lip gloss and underneath that she's sweet. You tilt your head a little so your mouths fit together like they're supposed to, like they use to and you squeeze her hand because you need something to ground you right now. Also, your glad you ate that entire thing of cinnamon red TicTacs on your way over here.

When her tongue slides against the seem of your lips, quick and tentative, you open eagerly for her and then your hand is in her soft hair while her tongue flicks past your teeth and its like your 14 again, making out in her bedroom and trying not to get caught except you're not 14, your two years older and Carly has another girlfriend and things aren't the same.

You pull back a little with more reluctance than you do your homework with and you watch her breathe, touching your thumb to the bottom of her lip.

"I'm sorry." She whispers, eyebrows furrowing over her closed eyes. "I'm sorry."

"I have to go, okay?" you croak because you need to get off of this bed, out of this room, out of this apartment, out of this town preferably. "I just…you look beautiful but I have to leave." she nods, her eyes still closed tightly.

You stand shakily and you feel like one of those new born deer on the discovery channel because the connection between your brain and legs seems shoddy and it seems like forever before you get out of the apartment.

You don't breathe until your inside of your jeep, inhaling the icy cold air.

* * *

"You kissed her, didn't you."

You look up from the table you're busting at Warren who is standing over you, doing that disapproving looming thing he does when he's mad at you.

"I, uh, what?" You fumble, stacking dirty plates on you're carrying tray and picking it up.

"You kissed Carly. I can tell. You've been working your ass off here for the last three days and I know if there's one thing you hate its hard work." He accuses and you roll your eyes as he follows you to the steamy bustling kitchen where you dump your dishes in the huge sink for Bobby the dish boy to handle.

"That doesn't mean I kissed her." You say defensively, heading back out to the dining area and Warren follows you. "I could just need extra cash."

"Yeah right, if you needed extra cash you would just borrow it from me and never pay me back."

"I do not do that." You cry and Warren folds his arm over his chest. "Fine! I did it! I kissed her! And I borrow money without any intention of paying back!" You crack and Warren shakes his head slowly.

"I knew I was never gonna get my 50 bucks back." He says coldly and you shake your head at him in disbelief. "And I can't believe you kissed her!"

You hiss, "Keep your voice down." glancing around furtively and a old couple in the corner give you a dirty look.

"Sam, she has a girlfriend." He points out, enunciating each word like you can't speak English and you really hate when he does that.

"I know!" you cry and you are extremely aware of her stupid perfect girlfriend and her kitten saving ways.

"So what the hell where you thinking?" He whispers tightly and you know what you were thinking, lips and soft skin, but you doubt that's what he was wondering.

"I don't know, okay?" You blurt, "I just don't know."

And you must be getting loud because he catches you by the elbow and drags you into the back room quickly.

"Sam," He breathes once your in the cover in the employee room and you meet his grey eyes helplessly.

"I can't help it." You admit weakly, "I can't help how I feel around her."

"But she's not yours." Warren reiterates and you know he's not trying to hurt you but he is and you rub your eyes hard.

"I know that." You answer softly and he leans a shoulder against the wall, watching you quietly for a moment.

"You like her?" He asks and you look him in the eye.

"I love her." You admit, dropping your head back against the wall your leaning against with a resounding thunk. "Ouch."

"So you kissed her." He sighs, reaching out and tugging on the tie of your uniform to make you look at him and you do so reluctantly. "Or she kissed you."

"I think we just met in the middle." you laugh a little and he shoots you a perfect smile.

"Is she a good kisser?" Warren asks softly and you elbow him in the stomach. "I'm just wondering."

"Yeah, she's the best." You admit a little dreamily and Warren laughs quietly.

"Better than me?" He asks and you laugh now, leaning into him a little. You guys had only kissed once, drunk and laughing at a party.

"When we kissed you kept doing that swirling thing with your tongue and it was gross." You grin and Warren looks indignant.

"You're the only chick that's complained about the Tornado."

You laugh and roll your eyes and Warren leans in and presses his wide fingers to your cheek.

"You okay?" He asks and when you shake your head no.

"I'm a home wrecker." You whisper, tilting your head into his palm and he chuckles.

"Trust me you've been referred to as worst."


	3. Chapter 3

Kissing Carly was stupid. One of the stupidest things you've ever done.

And to be fair you've done more than your fair share of stupid things, including but in no way limited to jumping out of a tree and breaking your ankle and eating so much sauerkraut that you had to be rushed to the hospital. You'd never figured that kissing Carly could be something stupid and dumb but it is when she has a girlfriend and you two are supposed to be just friends.

She's not one of those girls that Warren goes after. The kind that hang all over their boyfriends at school but later, when its dark, they're with Warren. Carly's not one of those girls.

You can live with being a philandering whore but Carly's no two-timing skunk bag.

So the responsible thing would be to take a step back and eliminate yourself from the equation but you and responsibility have never gone hand in hand and besides Carly is the one staring at you the next day, unwavering when you peek at her and making you flush.

You expect running and hiding after the kiss, either from you or from Carly but neither of you do which surprises even you because if there's one thing you're fantastic at its avoiding things. Homework, teachers, responsibility, you're like a ninja your so good at sidestepping those things. You're usually completely fine with burying your head in the sand and not coming out but instead of going the ostrich route you're like a domestic turkey that's too stupid to run and hide.

It seems like Carly has gone the dumb turkey road too.

"Sam." You look away from the locker you're trying to pry open with a crow bar and at Carly who's all soft and pretty and even in the crowded noisy halls you can tell she smells good. Everything about her is just good, great, fantastic.

"Hey Carls." You greet way to dreamily for your liking but you can't help it.

"Why're you breaking into some random person's locker?" She asks curiously and you glance at the crowbar in your hands, its end wedged into the door, and shrug.

"It's not a random person's locker, it's Warren's and I need his math notes." Its completely logical in your own head but you figure that its not translating into words as easily because Carly gives you that completely exasperated look.

"So you're prying his locker open like a can of sardines?"

"I was thinking canned beans but yeah, same basic principles." You grin and she rolls her eyes and adjusts her bag on her shoulder.

You watch her take a deep breath and alarms immediately go off in your head.

"So can we talk?" She questions and you finally pop Warren's locker open, the door swinging open and you root around inside, ignoring the way it smells like old French fries.

"Sure, about what?" You've learned when all else fails, play dumb. You grab the math notes before swinging the door shut and it doesn't catch, just bounces right back open.

"Last night." Carly emphasizes, her eyebrows lowering because she knows what your doing.

"Oh yeah, how was your big anniversary date?" You don't care and you don't know why you said that because hearing even one little detail from what was probably a fairy tale night will probably make you hurl.

"Sam. Stop it." She finally bites out, watching you toss the crowbar away carelessly. "You know why I want to talk to you. You know what about. And frankly this whole 'Dumb' act you're going for is getting a little old, I know you're not as stupid as you'd like people to believe."

"Okay. Okay." You finally concede, "And I'm gonna take that last part as a compliment so thank you."

Carly smiles at you a little bit like you're insufferable. "Sam be serious for one second."

"I know what you're going to say." You sigh and you think you do because you've been thinking about it all night. Kissing you was a mistake. "It was a mistake. You hit your head or had a mini stroke or thought I was someone else. You didn't mean to…ya know." You swallow glancing around and when you focus on Carly again she's grinning a little and honestly it's a little scary but you find inexplicable smiling worrying in general.

"I didn't hit my head or have a miniature stroke or mistake you for someone else." She says in that serious way she has and your brain deducts that means she kissed you on purpose, that she wanted to kiss you. You congratulate your brain on not exploding.

"Carly," You begin but once her name is out you don't really have much else to say because your stuck in this place that's half scared because this is intense and real and that's half giddy and makes you want to bounce up on your toes.

"And I know we still have to work together on the project and stuff tomorrow but as fair warning I should tell you that I'll probably stare at you for very long, very creepy periods of time and I may or may not try to kiss you again…it sorta depends." She trails off, effectively ending her nervous babbling.

"On what?" You ask because you're stupid and sort of a glutton for punishment along with food. "It depends on what?"

"How blue your eyes are or how soft your hair looks. Just things you can't really control so I just want to give you a heads up." Carly swallows hard and you see her throat work.

"Okay, so, well let me tell you that with this new information I'll probably wear something that totally brings out my eyes and brush my hair, like, a million times tomorrow so it'll bounce and behave." You admit and its supposed to be playful but it comes out so serious and Carly's eyes lock onto yours.

"Yeah?"

"Uh huh." you admit, licking your suddenly dry lips and you're sure if you were to graph it out there'd be a direct correlation between your dry mouth issues and Carly but you don't have that kind of time.

"Okay." Is all Carly says and its enough because suddenly there's a heavy arm being slung around your shoulder and Warren's voice asking what the hell happened to his locker but you're still gazing at Carly who gives Warren a quick smile before looking back at you. "See you around?"

"Yup."

"You're playing with fire." Warren sighs near your ear as you watch her walk away and you shrug.

"I have pyromaniac tendencies."

You feel Warren stoop, picking up the crowbar at your feet before turning to look at his demolished locker with an open mouth.

"Did you do this?" He cries and you wince a little.

"I had originally intended to be long gone when you saw this."

* * *

"Do you still talk to your mom?"

Carly's voice is soft and a little distracted as you work on the photon cannon in the iCarly studio and it should be done by the end of the week. The idea makes you sad because without the project you have no real reason to be at the Shay's so often because its not two years ago and even though Carly calls you friends again, everything around you is so gray and fuzzy.

"Yeah, sometimes." you shrug trying absently to force a piece into a spot that you're pretty sure its not supposed to fit in but you try anyway because trying to figure out where the piece goes would take thinking and you've had a long day. "She called me once to borrow money."

"What about on holidays? Do you spend time with her then?" Carly asks innocently and you sit back on your knees and twirl the ill fitting piece in your fingers.

"Nah, usually I just spend it with Warren's family."

Carly's dark eyes find yours all intense and you look down at your hand. You don't like talking about your mom because it hurts and you'd rather not think about it but you like talking to Carly and if she asks you're gonna answer.

"Do you miss her?" She asks sitting cross-legged on the opposite side of the photon cannon and you shrug a little bit.

"Sometimes." You admit quietly, reaching up to scratch your ear where its burning . "She wasn't always bad. Sometimes she smiled"

"I'm sorry, Sam." Carly whispers and you give her a confused smile. What the hell is she sorry for, you were the one with the bad mother, you're the one that ran out on her just like your dead beat dad.

"For what?" You ask watching her scoot around the base of the cannon to sit beside you and you look down to where your knees are touching.

"I'm sorry that I didn't come after you that night." She breathes and you blink hard against the sting of tears.

"It wouldn't have made a difference." You admit, "She's my mom and I just wanted to make her happy. It took her clocking me a few more times before I realized I couldn't win with that lady." You don't know why you laugh after that but you just do and it sounds ugly, feels ugly.

You feel Carly tuck your hair behind your ear carefully, her fingertip tracing the shell of your ear.

"Do you love her?" you ask completely out of context and you figure that she'll be confused and prepare to elaborate but Carly answers you.

"I-I care about Ashley. A lot." She begins and its hard to listen when her finger is trailing down your neck but you focus. "But when I look at you I get sweaty and feel kinda like I might blow chunks and it may not sound very charming or even pleasant but it's the truth and I don't feel like that with Ashley. Only you."

"Is that a good thing?" You ask, "Do I want you to feel all vomity and moist around me?"

You tilt your head towards hers and she grins at you, "Yeah, its a good thing."

And you know that just because she doesn't feel the same way about Ashley as she does you doesn't mean she can just cheat on her girlfriend or that you can just be the person she cheats with…the cheatee if you will, but you have a history of doing the wrong even when you know the right.

And if Carly's wrong then….you're pretty screwed.

You kiss her because you're weak and spineless and it's Carly for Pete sake and she kisses you back like she's been waiting for you to do it, her hand clamping onto your shoulder while you slide your tongue against her bottom lip until she parts her lips for you and you curl your tongue past her teeth.

But contrary to popular belief you have morals and standards and stuff like that and all of that junk fills your head and you jerk back and stumble to your feet, nearly knocking over the photon cannon in your haste. "I can't do this."

Carly says your name, quick and breathless, following you up swiftly and before you can reach the glorious door that you plan to make your escape through, she has a hand on it, keeping it closed with her circus freak strength. You drop your head hopelessly against the cool glass window with the iCarly decal because you know if you turn around your going to kiss her again or something even more stupid so you close your eyes and try to breathe while Carly's fingers slide through your hair.

"Let me go, Carly." You rasp, shivering when she sweeps your hair over your shoulder and touches that spot at the nape of your neck that does things to you and that you'd totally forgotten about but Carly hasn't.

"I don't want you too." She breathes right up against your ear and you tug on the door knob a little but now you're leaning into the door and Carly's leaning into you and that makes it pretty hard to budge the door. Not that you're really trying all that hard.

"But I'm trying to maintain your lady like dignity and I can only do that if I leave because if I don't things are going to happen. Things that aren't…dignified." You plead and you hear her laugh softly, burying her face in your neck.

"Turn around, Sam." She begs quietly, her lips moving against your neck. "Please."

You can't deny her anything so you let her pull you around to face her and just like you knew you would you lean in and kiss her again.

She kisses you back hard, her teeth catching your bottom lip, while she throws her weight into so you wont try to stop and leave again. You fist your hands in her hair, leaning up on your toes to curl you tongue past her teeth.

She pulls away a little, brushing her nose against yours before reaching down and reaching under your tee shirt to splay her hand warm and wide on your stomach. You jump under her tentative touch and her thumb slips upwards under the wire of your bra to press into the bony space between your breast.

"Carly." You gasp weakly while she fits her hips right up against yours and you squeeze her hair in your hands to the same heavy throb low in your stomach. A smile flits over Carly's pink, swollen lips before she begins impatiently unfastening the tiny buttons on your shirt with one hand that shakes and gives away her nerves and you watch her until your shirt is hanging open then you let go of her hair and kiss her.

Then its like a blur, things melting and twisting together and its really hard to keep up with what's happening but you know that your shirt is gone and so is Carly's along with her bra and your touching her perfect breast while she tries to work your unfastened jeans down your hips.

And you can barely move when she gives up trying to pull your pants down and just eases her hand into the confines of our jeans and you don't know why she gasps but your definitely sure why you do.

"Oh G-god." You hear Carly rasp into your mouth and you totally were about to say that, if you could breathe.

Her touch is tentative and nervous against you and it makes you curse and lean your weight into her while she works you towards that throbbing, tight place but all of that is interrupted by one sound completely out of place with the ragged breathing and airless cries.

A ringing phone.

It takes you a second to recognize it but when you do, that hazy feeling engulfing you dissipates and you exhale hard once as Carly curses her ringing phone and more specifically the ringtone.

You know that flouncing, lovey dovey song belongs to her girlfriend.

"Sam, I…" She tries when you grasp her wrist and pull her hand from your pants and its almost painful.

"It's okay." You croak, fastening your pants with trembling, shaking hands before leaning down and snagging your shirt. "Answer it."

"Sam." She tries again but the phone blares and she turns, grabbing it from where she left it on the floor while she curses a streak that would make you blush if you weren't trying to get the hell out of there.

You manage the buttons on your shirt and run a hand through your hair.

"Sam, wait. Don't leave. We need to…" Carly begins but you cut her off, realizing how undignified it is getting dressed while your wet and throbbing and the girl that made you that way is holding a phone that's blaring her girlfriends ringtone.

"No, I think we've done enough." You say, jerking open the door and hightailing it out of there.

* * *

"She left a hickey."

You laugh a little but the sound is garbled by the tears still leaking from your eyes and Warren's finger slides over the purpling mark on your throat.

"Yeah, she use to do that a lot." You admit remembering the work it takes to hide hickeys when you have them smeared all over your neck.

"Well she got you good. I'm surprised she didn't draw blood." Warren says in quiet awe and you wipe at your eyes dejectedly.

You don't know why you're crying, Carly isn't your girl and so her girlfriend interrupted you're very illicit activity that had nothing to do with science or photon cannons. You shouldn't cry over spilled milk. Unless of course that milk's girlfriend is stupid and you love that milk a lot. Then its perfectly fine to cry.

"Maybe she did. Who knows. I was pretty preoccupied by other things." You whisper rolling onto your side on Warren's wide bed. It's late and while you're aloud to spend the night at Warren's, the stipulations are that he sleep on the floor and the door remain open at all times but you figure that when climbed through his window all teary eyed and dramatic that this time the rule didn't count.

You bury your face in the hollow of his neck and sigh when he strokes a heavy hand over your back.

"I'm so stupid." Warren presses his lips in your hair and laughs, the sound vibrating through his chest and you feel it more than you actually hear it.

"You're not stupid." he soothes, "You're just in love."

You bring your hands into the space between the two of you, clutching his soft shirt in your fingers. "You say that like they're two different things."

"Yeah, I guess stupidity does go hand in hand with love." He admits quietly and when you inhale deeply he smells clean like soap.

And you love Warren so much because he understands you, he gets you. He knows why you sometimes do idiotic, ridiculous things and even when he doesn't he still backs you up.

"I don't think she loves me." You whisper the thought that's been snowballing in the back of your mind. "Not really. Not like she use to because if she loved me she'd want to be with me right?"

"Obviously she does Sam, otherwise I doubt she'd spend her free time with her hand down your pants." Warren says helpfully. "Carly's a good girl, if she didn't love you then I don't think she'd cheat on her hot ass girlfriend."

"But why can't she just leave her girlfriend?" You ask like a little kid who really wants their way.

"You guys aren't kids anymore, things are complicated." He says simply and you tilt your head back to peer up at him in the darkness, the only light coming from a night light he swears is for aesthetic purposes only.

"You're wise man, Sensei." You grin before hiding your face in his neck again. "You love me right?"

"I love you more than you know, kid." He whispers into your hair and you nuzzle his neck because its nice to just be loved unconditionally again.

"I love you too, ya know."

You don't know why you kiss his neck but you just do, once, twice and then Warren is guiding your face to his with wide splayed fingers on your jaw and then you're kissing.

And kissing a guy is nothing like kissing a girl because Warren's nose bumps into your and he's so overpowering that you have to follow his lead and thank God he doesn't do that swirling thing with his tongue again.

Things happen fast after that.

You're the one to drag off his shirt and he's the one that pushes up over you, twisting you out of your tee shirt and bra with far too much nervousness for someone who's been laid dozens of times.

He kisses you a lot and you like that.

He kisses your lips, your chin, your throat, your breast and you fumble with his pajama pants before getting them down while he peels off your jeans. He makes sure to mouth the hickey on your neck where Carly's mouth was hours earlier and for some weird, twisted reason that does things, hot, wet slipper things, to you.

You close your eyes while he scrabbles through his bedside draw and pulls out a condom.

Warren's hard and even though its not the first time you've been with a guy it still hurts at first but he's gentle and he asks if you're okay and goes slow and easy and you think its partly so his parents don't hear the gentle thud of the headboard against the wall.

You're sweaty and breathless and God, you might've screwed Warren earlier if you'd known it be like this.

He makes sure you come first with his hand working in the tight space between your hips and an explosion so intense your ears pop because when it comes down to it Dub-dub is always a gentleman.

Then he's there too with a soft helpless groan against your ear and everything is still.

As soon as you can think again, your mind screams that this was a mistake because you're a screw up and all you do are stupid things. And having sex with your best friend is right up there with kissing Carly.

There's a long moment of silence with Warren beside you and your about to apologize when he speaks.

"So," He begins a little breathlessly, "I hope tomorrow at school you don't go around telling all your friends what a whore I am and how easy I gave it up."

You can't help it, you laugh probably too hard but it feels good and Warren rolls onto his side with a grin and make sure that the blanket is covering up all of your important bits.

"Feel better?" He asks softly and it might just be the sex talking or the way that Warren's looking at you the same exact way before your pants were tangled in the blanket but yeah, you do.


	4. Chapter 4

"Stop looking at me like that."

You say agitated because you're trying to focus on the delicious genius that is the corn dog and Warren is sitting across from you at one of the many tiny square tables that fill the mall food court, with that damned smirk.

"Like what?" He questions stealing some of your fries and you glare at him because he knows that you don't share food. Ever.

"Like you've seen me naked." You hiss and Warren laughs loud and bright and the people at the table beside you guys turn to look.

"But I have seen you naked and it was awesome." He grins stealing another fry and you roll your eyes. "You've got nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm not ashamed." You clarify dipping your corndog in the perfect ratio of mustard and ketchup on your paper plate. "I just don't want you to get the wrong idea about last night."

"Don't worry, I know what last night was." Warren says, his smile softening while he watches you swirl your corndog in the ketchup and mustard. "And if using my body made you feel better than I'm more than happy to have helped. After all what are friends for?"

You smile at him around a bite of corndog. "And while I appreciate your giving nature." You start and Warren beams at you. "Its not going to happen again."

"You say that now but who knows when your gonna need some of this lovin' again." Warren says and you grin at him, pointing your corndog at him and he leans across the small square table and takes a bite because Warren's freaking awesome and the least you can do is share food with him. "So speaking of lovin'…"

"Nice transition." You sigh and he nods.

"Thank you." He answers quickly, "What're you gonna do with your whole Carly situation?"

That's a good question but you don't have the answer to it so you shrug, eating a couple of fries. "I don't know. What do you think I should do?"

Warren looks at you thoughtfully, "I know you love Carly but you can do better than being her dirty little secret."

"But I don't care, I'll be her whatever as long as I'm hers." You confess and because it's the truth it also sounds pathetic and dumb like honest things tend to do when the pass your lips.

"That's some intense stuff." Warren comments, running a hand over his low cut hair. "You don't usually do intense stuff."

"I know that's why its killing me." You sigh and you're not very hungry anymore which is the number one sign that you have way too much on your mind and your entire being can't handle it. You push your fries towards Warren who takes them without missing a beat.

"What do you want, Sam? Tell me." he says mid chew and you frown, scratching your eyebrow.

"I want Carly." And your answer seems so simple but you know that even if your goal is uncomplicated, the route to reaching it isn't. "And I want you to stop looking at me like you can see through my clothes."

Warren gives you that lewd smirk again. "I don't have to see through your clothes. All I have to do is close my eyes and I can see naked Sam." Warren makes a show of closing his eyes, leaning back in his chair and lacing his hands behind his head. "Hi, naked Sam. Don't you look good naked. Oh, what's that? What're you doing with that chocolate syrup? Oh, you're so naughty naked Sam."

You gaze at him until he opens one eye with that damned grin and you can't help but smile back.

"I love you, Dub-dub." You sigh seriously and he opens his other eye.

"I love you too." He answers without hesitation. "And now you're gonna try and kick my ass aren't you."

"Oh yeah, definitely. I'll give you a 5 second head start. One…" You laugh as Warren darts out of his chair before giving chase.

* * *

You take the a day off of school to work a double shift because living on your own means you have rent and bills and crap and even though Warren's parents are nice enough to help you out, you still need cash and ever since Warren had insisted that you needed hot water and heat and stuff despite your insistence that you don't need luxuries like that so you need some money for that bill too.

It's dark when you finish for the day, Warren's mom telling you to leave because you look tired and she doesn't want you to get sick and if you break one more plate she's gonna take it out of your check.

You zip up your sweater over your uniform, flipping up your hood because the cold is biting against your ears and you're nearly to your beat up old jeep when you see Carly there, leaning against your dented up door under the dirty light of a parking lamp.

You blow out a breath that immediately condenses into white steam in the cold air. You want to know what the hell she's doing here, how she got here, how long has she been waiting for you but all that comes out is her name.

Her hands are tucked in her jacket and her cheeks are pink from the cold and she's beautiful but your tired and not just from today because you can't close your eyes without thinking about her so you're not really sleeping and instead you stay up watching infomercials for the ShamWow because your brain wont shut off.

"Take me to your place."

You should probably argue, tell her that she should just go home, go to her girlfriend, to get out of your face because you're worn-out and confused and Carly being physically in front of you but absolutely off limits isn't going to help with that.

But you don't, you lean past her to unlock your door, muttering "Get in." before walking around the front and getting in too.

You guys don't talk on the ride and aside from the rattling of your jank heater as it blows warm air over it, there's no noise, just airlessness.

Carly follows you up the three floors to your apartment and you can feel her staring at you patiently while you jiggle your key in the door before trailing you in to your apartment with your too nice furniture that you got from Warren's family and the odds and ends that are distinctly your own.

"Sam." Carly starts, her hand reaching out to catch yours while you walk into the living room and you immediately shrug out of her touch, not because you don't want to touch her but because touching her does things to your body and you can't handle that right now.

"I'm gonna go grab a shower then we can talk, okay?" You offer and Carly nods.

"Okay." She breathes, "Scrub it up."

It's a relief to shut yourself into the room then the bathroom and be able to stand under the scorching spray of water that is reddening your skin because you can focus on that instead of the gorgeous, bewildering girl in your living room.

You're a power cleaner, you only need 10minutes to be presentably clean but tonight you take 20 to try and burn everything off but when you step out and into your tee shirt and shorts you still feel so heavy, even as you trudge back into the living room where Carly is sitting on the couch listening to the excited guy in the headset talking about the ShamWow.

"I really need one of those." You whisper moving around the couch to sit at the other side, as far away as possible without actually sitting on the floor.

"Yeah, Spencer's already ordered it twice." Carly whispers looking at you but you keep your eyes on the dancing television screen.

"Smart man." You murmur, leaning over into the arm of the couch and you feel Carly's eyes on you long after you would've expected her to turn away. You glance at her, meeting her eyes and you know it's a mistake because now you can't look away.

"Sam," Carly croaks. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" You breathe and Carly shrugs a little bit.

"I know what I'm doing…the way I'm acting is hurting you." She admits quietly and you shrug back.

"I guess I deserve it, though. I mean, I hurt you." You say, "You know, an eye for an eye and all that junk."

Carly frowns, eyebrows twisting up. "I'm not trying to punish you. This isn't about revenge. I'm just…"

"Confused?" You offer and Carly's blinks and squints like she's thinking.

"Scared." She says instead.

"I scare you?" You wonder and Carly licks her lips thoughtfully.

"I'm scared because all I ever think about is you, even when I'm with Ashley. I'm afraid that if we were to get back together, something would happen and we'd break up again-"

You sit up and twist your body towards her, folding one leg under you while the other foot stays on the floor. "That wouldn't happen."

"How do you know?"

"Because I'm older and less stupid and-and I love you." You blurt and Carly's eyes widen but your to exhausted to worry about the filter between your mouth and your brain.

Now you expect her to run, to ask you to drive her home and you're already trying to remember where the hell you stuck your keys when she speaks. "I never stopped loving you, Sam and that scares me too."

"I can see how that could be worrying." You exhale because you don't really know what else to say.

"And it makes me so mad, too." She exhales, rubbing her hand over her forehead. "Because you're not doing anything. Your just you and I'm just so…smitten."

You feel your mouth curl upwards slowly, "Smitten?"

"Yeah, pretty much." She laughs softly, eyes squinting and she's so pretty.

There must be something in the way you're gazing at her that makes her smile fade and hold on to the back of the couch while she edges closer to you until your legs are touching hers and she's looking at your mouth like she wants to kiss you.

Your hands fist against the cushions when she does kiss you, slow and tentative and close mouthed. Her lips are soft like always and when you pull back a little her teeth scrape over your bottom lip and shoots a sharp pull right through your body.

You run your tongue over the seam of her lips and she parts eagerly for you, letting you push your tongue into her mouth. She tastes vaguely minty and entirely familiar and you lean into her warmth, feeling her put her hands in your hair.

You slide your hand over her front, feeling the curve of her breast and hiking up her shirt in some places and you seriously consider ripping it off while your finger tugs at the collar of her shirt helplessly. But Carly most know what you're thinking or kinda like that shirt because she pulls back a little to whip her own shirt over her head and you watch it go while her dark hair falls over her shoulders.

Carly has the softest skin you've ever touched and you wonder if she does something special, like bathe in butter or something because what ever she does makes you never want to stop touching her and she doesn't seem to mind. She just gasps into your mouth while you touch her breast, her stomach.

Her hands are shaking when she eases you out of your clothes and then your naked and she's naked and you're shaking too when you touch her skin that's so soft .

Then you remember things, things you've never really forgotten, like that Carly Shay is definitely a top as she pins you under her on the couch while she kisses you. Tasting just like you remember, feeling better than you remember and you know given the chance you would willingly drown in Carly Shay.

You remember that she likes it when you suck on her tongue and makes the best noise in the back of her throat when you do it. Carly pulls away slightly and you follow her dumbly for a moment before stopping and opening your eyes to find her already looking at you with soft, heavy eye.

And, oh yeah, Carly likes boobs. You remember that too and you would've pegged Carly as a leg girl or maybe one of those girls that are all about personality but Carly is full of surprises as well as a love for boobs.

She dips her head to run her mouth over your chest and the sensation that shoots through you, settling low in your stomach, makes you groan and squeeze your eyes shut while you arch into the feeling.

"God," you exhale sharply, pushing up into her body and she moves back up to kiss you softly.

"Are you okay?" She rasps quietly and you swallow and smile.

"Not really." you admit and man, you're really really not and instead of helping Carly only makes it worse by pushing her hand between your thighs and you exhale tightly, winding your legs around her slim hips.

And this is different than before because you aren't new and eager and Carly knows what she's doing because there isn't any clumsy fumbling. Her touch is purposeful and gifted and has you burying your face in the soft, sweet part of her neck while you cry out into her skin.

There are sparks exploding in the back of your head in time with the thrust of Carly's slender fingers inside of you and everything is tight and slippery and so hard to focus on. But then she's pulling away and your trying to breathe while she arranges your legs together breathlessly, hooking one of your legs over her hip before straddling your other thigh and then it's a whole new, more intense feeling.

She cries your name softly and the way it sounds will stick in your brain for eternity. It makes you lean up and kiss her while she moves her hips and yours follow eagerly but soon even kissing is complicated and you and Carly are just breathing each others air.

"Car…God, Carly." You choke out her name while you come so hard that your brain just about shuts off. Your lungs burn because you cant get any oxygen and your body is straining so hard that it feels like any second that your ribs will break but it also feels fucking amazing.

When you open your eyes again Carly is staring at you, eyes dark and wide and still moving slick against you. You push up to kiss her, one arm propping you up while you reach down with your other hand to grip the back of her thigh while she thrusts against you and it only takes a moment before she's pulling away to press her lips to your shoulder and coming with a hoarse cry.

Your body is still shuddering weakly when you maneuver on to your side and effectively trap Carly between the back of the couch and your body but her eyes are shut and she's not really complaining.

"Are you alright, Cupcake?" You ask softly and Carly's eyes flutter open and she gives you a tired, close mouthed smile.

"I'm better than alright." She breathes while you slide your fingers along the sweaty skin cover her ribs, just under her breast.

"So what does all of this mean?" You question and Carly licks her lips thoughtfully.

"I'm not sure." She whispers, touching your hair and you don't know why but you sort of expected sex to change things but it was probably naïve to think that. "That we're in the same exact place."

"Yeah," You breathe closing your eyes. "Except more naked."

"This was probably a mistake." She utters even as she strokes a hand down your side.

"We seem to be prone to them lately." You agree, licking your lips and Carly smiles a little.

* * *

"…..so then I spit in your soda."

You catch the last of Warren's sentence and you choke on the mouthful of Peppy Cola your swallowing.

"What?!" You cry squinting down into your bottle and Warren shrugs and leans against the railing on the second floor of the mall as people pass beneath the two of you like ants.

"I didn't spit in your soda but I could've. You're totally not giving me the attention I need." Warren whines and you roll your eyes. " Carly can't be that good of a lay."

"Yeah she can." You say with a grin that's probably all perv while looking down at your Peppy Cola.

"Really?" Warren drags out the word curiously. "Tell me more about it."

"Shut up pervert." You sigh, taking another drink of your soda. "I'm sorry I zoned out on you."

"Well if your too busy thinking about sex to hang then I can go." He laughs and you punch him in the arm hard.

"I'm not thinking about sex. I'm thinking about Carly's girlfriend."

Warren chuckles, "Greedy." and you frown at him.

"We had sex and she has a girlfriend." You clarify and Warren leans over and steals your soda and you let him.

"You're the other woman." He says before bring the bottle to his mouth.

"I don't want to be the other woman. I want to be the woman." You clarify and Warren gives you a sympathetic look while he hands you back your soda.

"You need to talk to her, Sam, because I think an ultimatum is in order." He says around a burp and you frown.

"An ultimatum?" You breathe because Warren has been making way too much sense lately.

"You or Ashley." He says simply and you blink at him for a moment.

"Dub-dub…" You start but Warren cuts you off, tilting his head to look at you with serious grey eyes.

"Like it or not, you're special and you deserve to have someone who wants you and only you." He says earnestly and you smile warmly at him.

"Ya make me all tingly when you say nice things about me." You murmur and he leans over and nudges his shoulder against yours.

"I'm being serious." He laughs.

"And I'm being Sam." You reply dragging your hand over your eyes.

"And because you are Sam and you're my best friend let me be honest with you and say that I don't think this Carly thing is healthy."

Warren is right and you know it but you don't say that because his head is already huge and as hard as it is to admit that he's right its harder to actually say the words out loud because you're so in love.

"Also, imagine how Carly's girlfriend would feel if she found out." He says nonchalantly and you hadn't even thought about Carly's picture perfect girlfriend and her feelings and its partly because you suspect she's a robot and doesn't have actual feelings and mostly because that would make it worse than it already is.

"So you're parents are going out of town this weekend." You say clearing your throat and very obviously changing the subject and Warren throws you an amused look. "Are you throwing a party?"

"Hell yeah." Warren declares. "So lets get back to finding me a date."

"What about that girl?" You ask gesturing down at a girl in tight red jeans about to get on the escalator.

"No, she's old. She's like 30 or something." Warren says dismissively and you shrug.

"What about her?" You ask pointing to another girl and Warren gives you an exasperated sigh.

"Dude, I thought you would be better at this, ya know, since you're into chicks and everything." Warren says accusatorily and you stick your tongue out at him.

"Well what kind of girl are you looking for?" You ask finishing your soda.

"Ya know, one that's…" Warren does a lewd juggling gesture in front of his chest. "…smart." he finishes and you grin and shake your head. "Like her." He says pointing to a blonde.

You cap your soda and push away from the railing easily. "Dub-dub, that's a dude."

* * *

"Sam, right?"

You glance up from the history book your furiously studying because you heard there was a pop quiz next period, and look right into Ashley's perfectly made up face.

"Yeah, uhm, how goes it?" You ask awkwardly and squinting up at her from the metal table your sitting at outside.

"Oh, I'm fine." She says and you can't help but notice the way her blonde hair catches the sunlight and you're suddenly very self-conscious about your brackish blonde hair. "Do you mind if I sit for a moment?"

"Yeah, sure. What's up?" You ask as she slides demurely into the table.

"You and Carly are friends, right?" She sort of blurts and you blink at her stupidly for a second that she instantly feels with words. "Like she told me that you were her first girlfriend and everything and I know that when you broke up you had a falling out but, I mean, you're friends now right?"

She talks a lot and you can't see how Carly deals with it because you're already exhausted. "Something like that." You mutter as guilt washes over you in great waves and makes you instantly nauseous.

"Well, have you noticed she's been acting weird lately? Not weird, creepy, but like weird different."

You wonder if she means weird, like, two-timing weird.

"No. No, not really." You choke out, suddenly dizzy and you breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth in a desperate attempt to not vomit.

"I know this is kind of strange and that you don't really know me and I don't really know you but could you, maybe, talk to her for me? Just make sure she's okay because she's been acting so peculiar lately…" She trails off watching you with bright blue eyes.

"Yeah." You croak, "Sure. I'll-I'll talk to her." You manage, your stomach twisting itself into knots and Ashley gives you a dazzling smile.

"Thanks. Thank you so much." She breathes in relief, pushing herself up. "I guess, I'll just let you get back to studying then."

You nod once, "Okay." watching her go before dropping your head onto your open book.

You're so going to hell.


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

"Wait." you whisper softly while Carly's teeth find the shell of your ear and you clutch at her tee shirt stupidly. "Hold on."

And its not like you don't want Carly to finish unbuttoning your jeans or to stop pressing against you like she needs you but your brain keeps going back to her girlfriend and that is a big mood killer.

"What's wrong?" She asks pulling back to peer down at you and this would be so much easier if she weren't straddling you and topless.

"I-uh…Can we talk?" you ask and she shifts her weight to the side of you, her eyes full of dark concern. You take a moment to gather your thoughts while you adjust your bra so its not so hiked up in places and Carly watches you.

"Sam?" She asks curiously and you roll your eyes.

"I talked to your girlfriend, a couple of days ago." You sigh, dropping your chin in your hands and you let Carly squirm uncomfortably beside you.

"Why?" Carly croaks, fingering her hair which is all mussed from your fingers.

"It's not like I wanted to talk to her." You defend, your narrow bed squeaking under both of your weight and you gaze out of the open bedroom door absently. "She found me."

You hear Carly swallow, loud and hard like a cartoon but its not nearly as comical as it should be. "What did she want?"

"She says you've been acting weird. Wondered if I knew what was wrong since we're friends and everything." The sarcasm that goes with the last part of the sentence is sharp but if Carly notices she plays it off well.

"What did you tell her?" She wonders and you look over your shoulder at her where she's now sitting against the backboard, clutching a pillow to her chest. She looks more vulnerable than you can ever remember seeing her.

"I told her that we were fucking." You mutter, falling backwards on the bed and looking over your head at Carly. "That that was probably the reason you were acting like a weirdo."

Carly looks at you sharply and you grin brightly up at her, "Just kidding."

"This isn't a joke, Sam." Carly admonishes even though she's reaching down to touch a curl of your hair.

"Yeah, ya know, adultery jokes rarely ever go over very well." You sigh and Carly just shakes her head at you, twisting your hair over her knuckles. "Do you feel bad? Doing this? Do you feel guilty?" You ask closing your eyes and Carly shifts, the headboard knocking against the plastered wall.

"Yeah, I feel horrible." Carly whispers softly, nails scraping over your scalp.

"Then why're you here? With me?" You wonder aloud twisting onto your stomach to look up at her and she shrugs leaning towards you a little bit while you look up at her through your hair.

"Because the way I feel when I'm with you sort of cancels out the bad." Carly admits softly and she's the only person that ever says things like this, deep meaningful things, that make you want to curl up beside her and never ever leave. "'Cause I'm in love with you."

"Then why…" You sigh a little frustrated, pushing yourself up into a sitting position. "Then why are you still with your girlfriend?" You ask and Carly's eyes immediately drop.

There's a silence so long that you think Carly might not answer.

"I don't want to hurt her, ya know." She whispers finally and you frown because usually Carly is pretty good about being logical and making sense but in this case she's just…not.

"We can't do this forever." You point out and Carly swallows, her jaw working slowly.

"I know."

"And if…" You stop, plucking at the sheet covering the mattress, absently. "When she finds out she's going to be hurt."

You watch Carly slump against the headboard and touch her leg softly. "I know."

"You can't have both of us." You mutter darkly and Carly's head makes a funny sound when she thunks it against the headboard.

"I know." Carly says almost scarily parrot like.

"You're hurting me too." You breathe softly and Carly's dark eyes blink at you guiltily. "I love you and it hurts that this awesome, amazing thing between us is wrong."

"It's not wrong." Carly defends earnestly reaching out to grab you when you try to climb off of the bed and you attempt to twist out of her grasp.

"Yeah, it is!" You cry and its like things, important things you should've said a long time ago, are bursting out of your chest and it hurts like its supposed to when things are ripped from your chest. "You have a girlfriend, Carly. One that's probably wondering where you are as we speak, so its wrong."

Tears burn in your eyes unexpectedly but you wipe them away with the back of your wrist before they can do more than make your eyes glisten.

"I'm sorry." Carly croaks like its all she can think to say but she's saying more in the way she's kneeling on the bed and grasping at your arms and waist like she can't bear the way that your pulling away from her. "Sam."

"Carls, lemme go." You hiss, wiping at your eyes again while you try to shrug her off.

"No." She bites out like she's angry while she manages to grab you around the waist and haul you practically on top of her.

She twists you under her, pinning your wrist to the mattress and then she's peering down at you, all dark hair and darker eyes. "Sam." She grunts and you lick your lips.

"I want you to break up with her." You blurt, fisting your hands in the air and Carly just stares at you. "Because I don't want to-to feel bad about this. I don't want to have to feel bad about us. And-and if you can't. If you don't want to then I'll just….I'll just go away." You say trying to jerk free and there are more tears but you can't wipe them away because Carly has you pinned, so they trickle warmly down the side of your face, into your hair and ear.

Then Carly's mouth is on yours, hard and demanding like she's trying to say something without words and you kiss her back because no matter what you just have to and she pulls back, pressing her damp lips to your ear.

"Okay." She rasps, all warm damp air. "Okay, I'll do it. Just don't leave." She begs.

You won't.

* * *

"Sam."

You look up from the drink your sort of, not really, carefully mixing in a bright red party cup and at Carly.

"What're you doing here?" You ask with a grin, setting the bottle of vodka on the countertop while the music thumps and throbs around you. "Not that I'm not glad you're here."

"People have been talking about this party all week and I thought we'd stop by." Carly says quickly like she's getting the words out of the way to say something more important.

"We?" You ask raising an eyebrow and Carly licks her lips quickly, dark eyes looking helpless and all of a sudden you feel like the helpless one.

"I haven't…" She trails off, running a hand through her hair. "I didn't…"

And then she doesn't even need to finish her sentence because suddenly Ashley is there, sliding her hand into Carly's and you stare at their entwined fingers dumbly for a second.

"Hey, Sam." She greets nicely and you feel a deranged, tight smile pull at your face and it hurts. It hurts.

"How goes it Ashley." You say hoarsely and Carly is peering at you but you ignore her, reaching back to pick up your cup to take a swallow so big that it burns your throat.

"It's good. Awesome party." She says and you bite your lip and nod.

"Yeah it is. You guys help yourselves to anything." You say way too hospitable.

"Sam, can I talk to you?" Carly asks tightly and you give her a strange smile, feel the awkward way it curls your lips.

"Maybe later." You say and then you're gone, leaving the kitchen and working your way through the crowd towards Warren who looms, tall and broad in the center of the room.

And when you get to him you're emotional and your drink is splashing over your hand because there's so many people crammed into his house and as soon as he sees you, her grabs you and leads you away from the people he's talking to.

"What's the matter?" He barks because he knows. Of course he just knows.

"Carly's here." You choke out angrily, wiping at your eyes hard. "She's here with her girlfriend."

"What?! I thought she was breaking up with her girlfriend." He hisses while you take another drink from your cup.

"Yeah, me too." You grunt and he looks you over carefully. "I'm okay."

"What do you want me to do, Sam?" He asks and you lick your lips. "Do you want me to tell them to leave? Do you want me to talk to Carly?"

You smile then because you love this dude. "No, I'm fine. I'm okay. Lets just have fun, okay?"

"You got it."

* * *

"Lets go upstairs, Dub-dub."

You're drunk and Warren's drunk and your both that kind of drunk that always, always, leads to trouble because Warren's a good friend so he keeps putting drinks in your hand and buds don't let buds drink alone so he's hammered too.

"I don't think that's a good idea." He chuckles, voice all gravely against your ear and you lean your weight into his solid chest while the hand not holding his beer strokes your hair.

"Why not?" You grin against the soft material of his shirt at his shoulder and he stumbles a step backwards but stays otherwise solid.

"Because you're Sam and you'll probably regret it in the morning and because Carly is watching you like a hawk." He says into your hair, dropping his huge hand onto the back of your neck.

"She's pretty, huh." You question and even though you can't see Carly with your back to that side of the room, you know she's beautiful.

"Yeah, she is." Warren agrees while you lean back and let him tip his beer against your lips. You drink slowly before pulling away and watching Warren drink from the spot your lips just were.

"Dub-dub, she won't break up with her girlfriend." You groan grabbing a fistful of his soft shirt while people around you writhe to the heavy beat of the music. "And I love her…like, like I'm in love with her."

"I know." Warren says laughing inexplicably which makes you laugh too. "Ya know how I know?" Warren asks leaning into you a little.

"How?" You giggle while you guys half heartedly dance.

"Because." He starts offering up his beer bottle and you take a long drink. "When you talk about her your pupils turn into hearts." He says and you choke with laughter and Warren spills a trickle of beer down the front of your shirt.

"Hey!" You laugh, looking down your shirt and Warren gives you a triumphant grin. "I do not have heart pupils and you totally did that on purpose."

"You do have heart pupils and that was just a fortunate accident. Fate if you will." Warren says, words slurring around the edges.

"Fate made you pour beer down my shirt?" You question leaning into him and peering up while he gazes down.

"Yeah." He beams and your drunk. That's how you rationalize it when you press your lips to his neck and he twines his fingers in your hair.

"Easy." Warren hums grabbing you low around your hips and you push up on your toes to brush your lips over his jaw. "Carly's watching."

You shrug like you don't care even though you do. You do. You do.

But you've always been really good at pretending. Pretending like you don't care. Pretending that you don't feel her eyes on your back.

Pretend that you don't care.

"So, who cares." You grin into his skin and then he's tilting your head back to look at you better before he leans down to kiss you like you just need him too.

He tastes like alcohol and you can appreciate that. His tongue fills your mouth slowly, his hand spread wide across your jaw and you lean into his warmth.

"Lets go upstairs, Warren." You plead pulling away a little and when he doesn't immediately object you take his hand and begin pulling him through the crowd of people to the stairs.

After a short drunken stumble up the stairs your closed in his familiar room and on his wide bed and your laughing and kissing.

"You sure you want to do this." Warren asks breathlessly, looming over you and you laugh.

"Dub-dub, stop talking." You exhale, pulling his shirt up and off and he laughs and kisses you again.

You guys are heavily intoxicated and the music is muted but pounding up in his bedroom, and the sound of people downstairs is audible so you don't really hear anyone coming up the stairs or opening the door but when you hear a very distinct.

"Oh my God."

You're hazy mind isn't on the way Warren's mouth feels on your stomach while he unbuttons your jeans but on Carly's quickly retreating form.

"Shit." Warren breathes as you push up off of your back, throwing Warren off of you.

"Oh God." You breathe, finding your shirt in the twisted blankets and pulling it on while you stand. "Oh my God."

And Warren is saying something but you can't focus on him because your stepping into your shoes and buttoning your pants and trying to get out of the room all at once.

"Carly!" You call as she disappears down the stairs and out the front door and you never realized how hard it is to run while drunk.

The outside air is cold and sharp and you glance up and down the street before you catch sight of her a little ways down the block. "Carls." You call jogging in a scattered pattern towards her and before you can catch her she just stops and you nearly run her down.

"You said you and Warren were just friends." She says carefully and she wont face you so you walk around to stand in front of her.

"We are just friends." You answer urgently and you really wish everything would stop swaying and moving. "That's it."

"Friends that have sex?" She spits and you feel laughter bubbling towards the surface when now really isn't the time.

"Occasionally." You admit and when Carly meets your eyes she looks so hurt and its not fair because she's here with her girlfriend and she doesn't get to look at you like that. "Don't look at me like that." You say suddenly and Carly squints at you and you hope your words weren't too slurred for her to understand.

"Sam, I just walked in on you and Warren having sex. I get to look at you…" She starts but you cut her off abruptly, taking a hard step forward.

"No, you don't." You breathe. "Because you came here with your girlfriend. The girlfriend you told me that you were going to break up with."

Carly licks her chapped lips, "I'm going to do it." She whispers and you laugh, the sound so ugly in the night.

"Carly, I'm in love with you." You cry and you feel your face twist with the desperation of the words. "You know that I love you and you still…you still don't know what you want."

"I love you too, Sam." She forces in between your words like she just need you to hear them.

"Then why don't you know what you want?" You ask brokenly, clenching your fist tightly. "What're you waiting for?"

"What do you want me to say? What do you want me to do?" Carly asks loudly, gesturing widely with her arms.

"I want you to choose." You breathe angrily. "Do you love her? Are-are you in love with Ashley?"

Carly's hands run through her hair like she might rip it out but she drops her hands at her sides. "I don't know. I don't know. She loves me, Sam."

"She doesn't love you like I love you." You answer quick and sure and Carly's brown eyes fly up to yours, her arms crossing over her chest like she's cold.

"How do you know?" Carly asks weakly and behind you there's big, heavy steps you recognize as Warren's and Carly's eyes dart over your shoulder for just a second.

"I know because there's no possible way that another human being can feel for you what I do." You force out and you feel like if you could, you would be crying. "The entire world would end or implode or something."

"Sam." Warren's voice is soft behind you and you can't even stop staring at Carly long enough to acknowledge him.

"Carly, I know that you can do better than me but I can't do better than you. Nothing is better than you." You swallow stupidly even as Warren grabs your shoulder and you just want Carly to say something.

You need her to say something. Anything.

She doesn't.

"Sam, c'mon." Warren urges gently, turning you around and pulling you into his chest while you walk away and the tears that wouldn't come before are hurtling up your throat and you just try to breathe. "Keep it in. Keep it in." Warren whispers into your hair as he walks you behind the house and as soon as your out of sight you're throwing up in a rose bush and sobbing while Warren holds you up.

"She doesn't want me." You hiccup so hard it hurts and Warren holds your hair away from your face. "She doesn't want me."

"Its okay. Your okay." He whispers and he's wrong.

You know he's wrong.

You're not okay.


	6. Chapter 6

"Does it hurt?" Warren's voice is traced with laughter as he cradles your head in his right hand while he prods at your eye with the fingertips of his left, the television blaring underneath his words and you'd glare at him if it didn't shoot glaring pain through your face.

"What do you think?" You wince, jerking out of his grasp and away from his poking fingers. Slumping back against your couch, you pick up the ice pack that Warren brought you, from your lap and ease it against your swollen, blackened eye.

"I think that you never saw that right hook coming." Warren chuckles, laughing harder when you shove him into the arm of the couch. "I didn't know Ashley had it in her. I mean it was like, WHAM!" You watch him do a reenactment and glower at him with your good eye.

"Dub-dub, who's friend are you?" You ask incredulously and he laughs some more, throwing his heavy arm around your shoulders and pulling you into his warm side.

"I'm yours Sam." He says and you sigh, readjusting your ice pack. "And I think it was big of you not to kick Ashley's butt after she sucker punched you." He compliments and you shrug best you can.

"You can't wail on a girl after she clocks you after finding out you were fooling around with her girlfriend." You reason and Warren nods before resting his big, heavy head on top of yours and when you try to squirm away he holds you still.

"How're you holding up with all of that, by the way?" He asks and then your grateful that he kept you pinned against his side because the way he strokes your hair while you bury your face in his shoulder is comforting.

"I'm fine." You mumble into his warmth. "Never been better."

"Oh yeah?" He questions and you nod silently. "When's the last time you talked to She Who Shall Not Be Named?"

"5weeks, 2 days." You breathe and its not like you've been counting but you totally have. "When we did our science project presentation."

"Are you ever going to talk to her again?" He asks and you tip your head to look up at him with a frown.

"No. Of course not. She doesn't want me, Warren. I need to move on." You pull out of Warren's grasp, peering at him like a Cyclops. "I want to move on."

"Okay." is all Warren says and you look at him a moment longer before turning back to your TV.

"My parents are in counseling." Warren sighs and you look back at him sympathetically.

"I'm sorry." You whisper because you know how much he didn't want this to happen.

"No, its cool." He says, "My parents feel so bad that they're pretty much buying me anything I want."

"Awesome. Try to get a pogo stick for me." You request and Warren grins.

"I'm on it."

* * *

"What happened to your eye?"

Carly's all red anger and bright heat and your sandwich stops short of your mouth as she stands seething in front of you in the cafeteria and she's beautiful and you wish she would leave. You wish she would disappear back into the lunch crowd.

"I, uh, ran into a door." You lie sheepishly and Carly frowns at you because she knows you're lying. She's always known when your lying. Why should now be different.

"Sam…" She starts and Warren cuts her off from beside you, his deep voice filling your ear.

"You're girlfriend punched her in the face after school yesterday." He informs around a mouthful of cheeseburger and you slam your sandwich down on your tray, turning to look at Warren in absolute disbelief of his betrayal. "It was hilarious."

"Damn it, Dub-dub." You curse, covering the shiner you've been flaunting all day.

"She hit you?" Carly cries incredulously, palms pressing down on the table and you swallow thickly because _feelings_ that are half love and half hate are pushing up your throat.

"Just-just a little bit." You sigh, "I mostly fell into her fist."

"She hit you?" Carly cries again and you lick your lips thoughtfully.

"I deserved it." You whisper, peering up where she's leaning against the table over you. "I was the one doing illicit things with her girlfriend."

"That doesn't make it okay to hit you." She points out and you work your jaw absently.

"If you were my girlfriend I'd hit me too." You say grimly and all you want to do is enjoy this sandwich but it doesn't look like it'll be happening in this lifetime. You look down longingly at the soft, white bread and the turkey sticking out of it.

"Sam." And the way she says your name, suddenly defeated, draws you away form your sandwich and into her brown eyes.

"I deserved it." You croak again and Carly looks at you, eyes softening like the anger is draining out of her.

"No you didn't." She exhales and you wish you could believe her. "Sam. We just…we need to talk." She tries and everything inside of you shuts down and you blink hard, once, to gather yourself.

"No thanks." You say, taking a sip of your water bottle to the left of your tray and you can feel Carly's eyes on you, can imagine how hurt she probably looks and its hard to not make her feel better.

You keep your eyes on your tray and your sandwich until you hear Carly leave and a long time after until Warren nudges you and whispers "She's gone."

It feels like it takes a monumental effort to lift your head and when you finally do, you're not hungry anymore. You're not anything.

"You okay?" Warren breathes and you swallow, unable to answer.

* * *

It's after one in the morning when you wake up to the blaring of your phone and you reach around blindly before grabbing the offending piece of technology and your sleep deprived brain rationalizes tossing the phone out the window as a good idea before you find enough consciousness to answer the phone.

"What?" You mumble into your pillow, plastic pressed to your ear and you expect to hear Warren's deep voice or even your mom's false cheer but you're not expecting Carly's soft voice.

"Sam." She sobs your name soft and quiet and its enough to haul you awake and you're out of bed and searching for your keys before you realize it.

"Carly?" You gasp into the darkness, tripping a little in the blanket wrapped around your ankles. "What's wrong? Where are you?"

"I-I'm…" She trails off for a second just as you find your keys in an old bag of chips on your night stand and step into your shoes. "I'm here."

"Carly? Where?" You plead.

She's confusing you and you can barely understand what she's saying because she's crying and you stumble into the living room, banging your knee on the couch before making it to the door and you jerk the it open and stop.

"Carls." you exhale, slumping in relief because she's standing there and she's crying and teary under the orange light but she's here. "What happened?"

She pulls her phone from her ear while you step further into the hall, the door falling shut behind you while you clutch your phone in your palm. "I did it."

You have no idea what she's talking about and she's been nothing but confusing and you blink at her with a frown. "Did what?" You question and before you remember that you're supposed to be staying away from this girl that is like an addiction, you're moving forward and wiping her tears away with your fingers while she leans into your touch.

"I…I broke up with her. With Ashley." She croaks and you pause with your hand on her cheek while she looks down at you with deep brown eyes and you feel like your swaying on your feet. "I told her how I felt about you. I told her that I'm in love with you."

"What? Why" You stutter like the words wont pass your lips without force and Carly frowns at you.

"Because being without you hurts." She whispers like you should know and you do know. "Doesn't it hurt?"

It does. So bad, but…

"Carly, you…we can't be together." You whisper and the way she looks at you is indescribable. "We can't." And you can hardly believe these words are coming out of your mouth.

"Sam, I…" She bites out pulling away from you and you close your hands into fists when she's gone. "I did what you ask me to."

"I know." You say squeezing your eyes closed and you don't even know why you're saying this because you love Carly and you want to be with her but you also know that you two need time apart. You just do. "But…"

"No buts, Sam…" She cries, cutting you off, "I love you," and when she grabs you, you let her, putting your hands on her waist to steady both of you as she more or less slams you into your closed apartment door.

"I love you too." You whisper, licking your lips and then she's kissing you hard and fast and you're holding on for dear life because this, this is the good part.

But there's enough bad that you guys can't be together now. You need to think about things because obviously impulsiveness isn't really working to your advantage right now.

"Sam." She says your name again, soft and broken, when she pulls away and you bury your hands in her soft hair and just breathe.

"You're not ready. I'm not ready. We just need space." You croak and Carly closes her eyes.

"I don't want space." She begs and you swallow hard.

"I do." You blurt and then your pushing her away and your arms feel weak and painful even as you do it and you have to wonder if pushing her away is killing you.

She looks at you with glistening brown eyes while you step back, fumbling at the door and you can't even grab a breath because you're just leaving her on the door step while you slip inside your apartment and it hurts.

And its Carly. Carly who loves you and wants you, that your closing your door against.

It hurts worse than anything you've ever felt but underneath all of the pain, there's something new and raw and good.

* * *

It takes you three days to make it out of the bed.

Four more days to make it out of the apartment and into natural sunlight.

"So apparently my parents had a big breakthrough in therapy." Warren starts, and you feel the words reverberate through his skull as you rest your chin on the top of his head where you sit a step above him on his front porch, your legs bracketing his sides.

"Oh yeah?" You smile, dangling your arms over his shoulders and he nods.

"Yep, so I don't think they're getting a divorce anytime soon." He says, "In fact they're going on like a second honeymoon in the Bahamas."

You squeeze his shoulders and kiss his head. "That's good news, Dub-dub."

"I know but I don't want my mom to come home knocked up or anything." He pouts and you laugh.

"Well hopefully your mom's junk has gone bad." You sigh helpfully and Warren twists around to glare at you.

"That's gross."

"You're welcome."

"So how've been? He questions, wrapping his arms around your calves.

"You're always asking me that." You mutter, smoothing his hair back over his forehead.

"Because I always care." He answers simply and You grin into his hair a little.

"I'm alright." You sigh, "I mean, I've been better but I'm alive."

Warren tips is head back to look at you, " That whole being alive thing is important."

"Yeah, its weird how that works." You laugh planting a sloppy kiss on his forehead and he pulls away to wipe at his face.

"I just want you to be happy, Sam." He sighs honestly and you press your lips into his hair again. "When you're happy, I'm happy."

"Man, I love you, Stupid." You sigh, winding your arms around his neck and Warren chuckles lowly.

"I love you too."


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

"So this girl had, like, really incredible tits." Warren says with graphic animation. "I'm talking like, gravity defying knockers."

"Why're we talking about this?" you interrupt and Warren looks up at you like _you're _the one that's been sitting here talking about boobs for the last half an hour. "I just asked what time it was."

Warren looks confused for a moment, tilting his head thoughtfully. "Yeah, I dunno how I got to boobs." He shrugs and you roll your eyes.

"Everything goes back to boobs with you, Dub-dub." You yawn, stretching out on your stomach on his bed while you watch him pull a grey sweater over his head.

"Very true." He admits, modeling his outfit for you and you give him a thumbs down. "And speaking of which, you have some very nice ones my friend." He grins, whipping off his shirt in that weird way that boys have.

"I'm gonna take that as a compliment." You decide, tucking a pillow under your chest and watching him pull on a blue button up shirt.

"Please do." He smirks, tucking his shirt into his black slacks. "So what're you gonna do tonight while I'm partying like its 1999?" he questions and you shrug. "What is up with you? Ever since the...uh...incident with You Know Who, you've been kinda..."

You raise an eyebrow at him, "Reserved?"

Warren matches your lifted eyebrow. "No, lame. Very lame." He says apologetically, buttoning up his shirt. "Which is why I think you should come out tonight. We'll have fun and dance and you'll feel a lot better."

You smile at him as he drops down beside you on his bed, automatically running a hand through your hair.

"No, I don't really feel up to it." You admit and Warren just nods.

"Alright Sam but whenever you're ready to get back in the game. I'm here for you."

You press your nose against the smooth material of his slacks and smile. "I know, Handsome."

* * *

"Do you wanna come over after school today?" You ask leaning into the lockers and watching Warren shove some books into his backpack meanwhile you can't even remember where you left your backpack. "We can hang out and eat whipped cream or something."

Warren gives you a funny look before shutting his locker. "As appealing as that sounds, I've got some stuff to do today." He says a little apologetically.

And you know that Warren's been up to something lately, hiding and sneaking, because you know him and he's being all conspiratorial and ninja like which is highly unusual.

"What kind of stuff?" You ask with a frown. "Because you're stuff is usually my stuff."

"Just stuff." He breathes, eyes darting around suspiciously and you glare at him.

"You're up to something." You decide and Warren doesn't look so much offended as just plain guilty.

"No I'm not." He blurts and you size him up, eyeing the bead of sweat trickling down his forehead.

"Yeah you are and when I figure it out I'm probably gonna kick your ass."

"I'm not afraid of you, Puckett." He hisses and you shove him into the lockers.

"You should be." You whisper, poking him in the chest. "And I'm watching you."

* * *

"Sam, can you get table two for me? I'm swamped." Warren calls, shoving a laminated menu into your chest and you shake your head.

"No, I was off ten minutes ago." You say pushing the menu back into his chest. "Sorry but I can't help you." You say hardly apologetic because your feet hurt and you just spent the last two hours helping people who didn't speak any English.

"Sam! Please!" Warren wails, dropping to his knees in the middle of the resturaunt in full beg mode. "I need your help! He cries dramatically, wrapping his arms around both of your legs and burying his face in your stomach.

You don't have to look around to know that patrons are staring at you and you roll your eyes and flick the back of Warrens head.

"Fine!" you hiss pushing him away and he stands quickly.

"Thanks." He smirks, shoving the menu at you again before grabbing your shoulders to twist you towards the far booth and giving you a push. "You're awesome."

You're still in the middle of cursing Warren's name when you stop at the booth.

"What can I get...for you." The last of the sentence sort of dribbles out of your mouth because Carly is the person in the booth and that idiot Warren set you up.

"Hey." Carly whispers awkwardly, eyes darting away from you for just a moment. "So, you're probably wondering why I'm here."

You nod a little wordlessly because things are filling your head and your heart so fast that you've gone effectively mute.

"Warren and I talked." She starts and you feel your eyes widen in disbelief and you're gonna kick his ass. "We talked and he told me I was stupid. Stupid and selfish and lucky, so lucky that I ever had the chance to be with someone like you." She whispers and you shake you're head.

"Warren's just..." you start, clutching the laminated menu to your chest like a shield and you remember when you didn't have to protect yourself from her. "He's right." Carly says cutting you off easily. "He's right and I hurt you and I'm so sorry but I..." she trails off for a minute, looking down at her hands and when you follow her gaze you see that her hands are shaking but she pulls her fingers into a fist and takes a deep breath. "But I love you a lot and I know you said you wanted space and I-I just want you to know that I'm ready and whenever you are, if you're ever ready for me, I'll be here." She blurts in that run on sentence-y way she has and you lick your lips carefully and try not to choke on your heart.

"Carly." You try and it doesn't matter if you didn't know what was gonna come after that because Carly pushes out of the booth to stand in front of you and her dark eyes are pleading and her smile is sad and everything is telling you to kiss her, for gods sake just kiss her but she's snagging your fingers in her and stepping real close.

"Whatever you decide. I'll wait to hear your answer." She exhales, fingers curling around the tie of your uniform and then her lips are on yours and she's not kissing you like you need her to, instead she's brushing her lips over yours lightly. "I'll see you around." she murmurs and before you can even tell her not to go she's walking away.

It takes you a few breaths to be able to compose yourself and when you do, turning around and ignoring the looks people are giving you, you spot Warren grinning like an idiot.

* * *

"Ow!" you ignore Warren's yelp of pain and tighten your arm under his chin, securing him tighter into the headlock you have him in. "Air, Sam! Air is important!" he squeezes out and you shake you're head.

"You can have air when you tell me what the hell you were thinking!" you grunt even as he tries to push you off of him and succeeds in only knocking you both into the shelves of supplies and causing artificial sweetener to rain down on the two of you.

"I wasn't thinking that you'd attack me in the storage room." he grumbles and you tighten your grip a little more.

"Dub-dub." You hiss warningly and his arms flail a little bit.

"I did it for you, Sam." He finally. "I don't like seeing you so sad and pathetic. It's annoying." He says with a grunt as you release him because you can't choke the life out of a dude who loves you enough to piss you off this much.

"Pathetic?" You breathe incredulously and Warren nods, rubbing his throat.

"Yeah, pathetic." You elbow him in the stomach and he folds over breathlessly. "What is wrong with you!?" he screeches and you roll your eyes. "I dunno, could it be my best friend lying and sneaking around behind my back and then completely setting me up...." you trail off, realization dawning on you. "You told Ashley!" you hiss and Warren looks at you sheepishly.

"It was apart of the plan." He offers and you can feel your eyebrows meeting your hairline.

"She punched me in the face, Warren!" you cry and he straightens, holding his ribs.

"Yeah, that wasn't apart of the plan really but it was funny." He chuckles and he only laughs harder when you flip him off. "But you know what was apart of my great master plan that I like to call 'Operation Get Sam's Heart Out of the Gutter.'?" he asks with that damned smile and you can feel your mouth curling upwards in response to his cheeky grin.

"What?" you breathe tilting your head at him. "The way you looked out there while she was talking to you. All soft and swoony." He whispers around a smile and your beaming at him uncontrollably. "That was definitely apart of the plan."

You roll your eyes a little, walking over and he flinches a little before you pull him into a hug.

"Thanks, Warren." You sigh as he hugs you back. "And I'm sorry I kicked your ass."

He laughs into your hair, "me too."

* * *

You give yourself three days to think it over but you don't really need them because you know the answer is yes, you want her. Always and forever but you give yourself three days before going to find her so you don't seem as desperate as you actually are.

It's the middle of the night when you go to talk to her and breaking and entering seems like a perfectly logical idea at the time.

"Whoa!" you yelp while your hands fly up to protect your face while you drop to the ground and what may or may not be a hockey stick whistles past your head. "Carly!" you hiss and Carly stops mid backswing.

"Sam?" she whispers incredulously and when you manage to climb back to your feet in the pitch black of her bedroom. "What're you doing here?" she asks, hockey stick still raised over her head and you put your hands up in surrender.

"Being bludgeoned to death apparently." You whisper, reaching back to flip on her bedroom light so you can see Carly better, but the hockey stick she's still holding like a weapon is a little unnerving.

"It's three o'clock in the morning and how did you get in here anyway?" she asks, dropping the hockey stick and rubbing her eyes tiredly. "Nevermind, you picked the lock." She finishes quietly, running her hand through her hair and you shrug guiltily. "You do know that's a felony, right." She questions and you wave the words away.

"I figure this is sort of an exception." You admit, swallowing and gathering courage and Carly gives you a look that's a little bit hopeful, standing there in her frog pajama pants and a white tank top.

"What kind of exception?" she asks softly like she can't get air out of her lungs and on the way here you had this whole speech that you were going to make but you can't remember any of it now.

"Well, I've been, uhm, thinking..." you start weakly and Carly frowns at you, taking a tentative step closer.

"Sam?" she whispers with a tilt of her head and man, you're in love with this girl. "I made a decision." You practically blurt and Carly looks nervous but so, so pretty.

"Yeah?" she exhales and you nod once before stepping forward and kissing her.


	8. Chapter 8

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A/N:Thanks for everyone who read this story and all of the reviews. You guys are awesome.

* * *

The bracelet feels heavy in your pocket which is ridiculous because its just tiny linked pieces of metal and little charms, and yeah, you had to break into Carly's apartment and go into her bedroom to get it but you needed it to put the new charm on it but that's no reason why it should feel like it ways a ton in your pocket.

Your still pondering phantom weight when Carly comes up to you in the hall, all smiles and it still blows your mind a little that she's smiling at _you_.

"What's up?" She asks, shifting her bag on her shoulder. "Your frowning." She grins, reaching up to smooth the wrinkle in your brow, rubbing with just her thumb and I laugh a little, reaching up to grab her wrist.

"I'm just thinking." You exhale through a smile, sliding your hand into hers easily and it's a little weird being like this, out in the open in the school halls. There's no more sneaking and lying and it feels good.

"That's never good." She chuckles, lacing your fingers tight and pulling you away from the lockers and towards the exit. You just roll your eyes and shove your free hand into your pocket.

You're nervous and you don't know why because you've already did this once and it was a lot less anxiety but you figure it means way more the second time around even though it's the same bracelet. You let Carly tug you out of the school building and into the afternoon sun.

"Hey, can we stop for a second?" You start, pulling back on her hand and digging your heels into the concrete and Carly does stop, turning to face you with a smile.

"What is it?" She asks and she's still smiling at you and you swallow and yank the charm bracelet out of the pocket of your shorts, clutching it in your fist for a moment before holding it between your fingers in front of her face.

Her smile softens and her eyes light up and its beautiful and amazing.

"I know it's the same bracelet and I did have to break into your loft to get it but I just thought…" You begin, explaining stupidly but Carly is beaming at you and holding out her wrist.

"I get it, Sam." She murmurs around a smile, "Now, put it on me."

Your hands are shaking a little as you get it on her slim wrist, fumbling with the little latch for a moment.

"There ya go." You grin and she examines it, giving a confused smile at the brand new small silver apple dangling from the chain.

"An apple?" She asks and you shrug, scuffing your foot on the sidewalk and tucking your long hair behind your ears.

"Apples aren't just delicious fruits. They're love symbols too." You explain, "They represent fertility, ecstasy and love…and they're food."

Carly leans forward, one hand wrapping around your neck, and kisses you with far too much tongue to be considered proper while still on school grounds.

You're a little wobbly when she pulls away and you could care less that people are watching.

"C'mon, lets go."

* * *

You love Carly a lot, like a lot, and you make sure you tell her as often as possible because even though it feels like it did the first time, new and amazing, you're going for a different outcome this time around.

You love Carly a lot but there are times that the feeling is so strong you feel like you're busting from the seams. Like when she knows you've had a long day at work and she drags you into a steaming hot bath with her and drapes herself, hot and wet, against you're back, or when she asks you to play with her hair in the middle of the night when she can't sleep on the rare occasion that she manages to spend the night at you're apartment or like now when her mouth is warm and soft between your legs.

And its not like you're using her for sex or anything like that but her being good at sex just makes your feelings for her more pronounced, especially during said intercourse. Like now.

Man, you're loving her a lot right now.

You tell her so and she laughs, pressing her mouth against your hip for a moment, her dark hair tickling you're skin, before sliding up your body and peering down at you like she's proud that she's the reason your sticky with sweat, completely out of breath and lacking basic motor functions.

"You always say that." She whispers, a faint smile curling her reddened mouth and you lick your lips, letting her lace the fingers of both hands with hers and pin them over your head. "After you, ya know...or after I, ya know." She grins full out now, eyebrows arching playfully and you groan a little around a smile.

"Well its true." You mutter, turning your face into your bicep to hide the inexplicable blush that burns in your cheeks and Carly seizes the opportunity to press her mouth, open against your ear, whispering "I love you too." Before using her tongue and teeth to effectively short circuit your brain and you think Carly must get some sort of kick at turning you into an incoherent mess because she seems to do it as much as possible.

You're so wrapped up in Carly, how she lets out a shuddering groan when you loosen one hand from hers and slide it down in the tight place between both of your hips and swallows when bite at the pulse point in her throat, that you hardly even register the sound of the front door being opened over the jingle of her bracelet until its too late.

"Hey, Sam? Did you know...Whoa!" Warren's sentence ends abruptly as he walks into the open doorway of your bedroom.

"Warren!" you cry, trying best you can to pull the blankets up around you and Carly, making sure to cover the good bits while Warren does a poor job of covering his eyes.

"Oh my God." Carly whispers, sliding to your side and it doesn't sound like mortification so much as flat out disappointment.

You throw her a quick glance before glaring at Warren who is obviously watching you from between his fingers. "Warren? What the hell are you doing here?" you cry while Carly drops her head back against the headboard with a thunk.

"Interrupting sexy time, apparently." He laughs, dropping his hand and stepping further into the room like you're not naked in bed with an equally naked, clearly frustrated, Carly. "And as scorchingly hot as this is, its gonna have to go on the back burner for now because I need to talk." He groans sitting at the foot of the bed slowly and Carly sighs a little, gathering the blanket around herself, tugging the edges from under Dub-bub's massive frame because she knows that Warren's not leaving anytime soon.

"I'm gonna go get my clothes." She mutters, throwing a dirty look at Warren who throws it back and they have formed a sorta begrudging friendship as they both try to make space for one another in your life.

"What's up, Dub-dub?" you ask, tucking the sheet Carly left you, around yourself and Warren sighs.

"It's my parents." He croaks and you swallow quickly.

"They fighting again?" you ask carefully because your afraid to hear if things with his family are still falling apart. Afraid what it would do to Warren.

"Psh, I wish," he starts and you're so relieved you could laugh. "Those two have been going at it constantly since they got home from their second honeymoon and I can't take it." He cries, flopping over on the bed and you grin at him.

"Aw, poor baby." You tease and he pouts a little, looking up at you.

"I know, right?" he grins, and he's looking at you funny. "Hey, you're glowing." He comments and before you can say something Carly is padding into the room wearing her shorts and your shirt. She makes sure to hit Warren in the stomach before hopping back on the bed beside you.

"You're so violent." He coughs, flipping onto his stomach and tugging a little on the sheet wrapped around you and before you can say anything Carly kicks him in the shoulder. "See what I mean? Violent." He says like Carly just proved his point.

And then they're arguing, back and forth and its just what they do and you wonder idly if this is how Carly feels when you and Freddie bicker.

You love them both, these two people in your bed, more than anything and you're grateful to have someone who cares about, someone for you to care about and your life may not look perfect to anyone else but right now, to you, it is.

"Sam, get dressed. Lets go get some food and you can explain to me what it means when a girl says, 'I hate you with the passion of 10 thousand suns.'." Warren yawns, eyes darting up at you playfully. "Unless there's room for one more in this party." He say gesturing at you and Carly.

His heavy body makes a funny sound when Carly shoves him off of the bed and God, you love them.


End file.
